Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Scary Times

Well, I did it. I went back to group tonight. My old, friendly group and I re-joined with a few ladies who are once again re-starting their journey.

I don't see re-starting as an admission of failure, not at all. I see it as a sign of knowing what you need to do, and just making that single, positive step to get back to where you were, or to where you want to be.

In my case, the damage I've done has been insane. Utterly insane. Just before Christmas last year I weighed in at 13st 9½lbs, and that got me my 11½st award. Between then and April I lost nothing at all despite being on plan, between then and September I gained 2½ stone with my half hearted attempts to get myself back on the bus....in the seven weeks, well 2 days short of seven weeks since I last weighed in when I have made eating crap my latest obsession I have gained 1½lbs shy of 3 chuffing stone. Insane indeed.

I've put myself back such a long way, and there is no-one to blame but myself - so no pity party going on here. Just a whole load of tutting and disappointment at myself for letting things get so out of control, but relief in a way, that I didn't leave it longer before getting myself back to where I needed to be...at group.

So once again I have a shiny new book, and I shall be spending the next few days reading through my whole pack. I shall be eating proper meals and proper food, who knows, perhaps that will even make me feel a wee bit better as even in the relative safety of my SW group today, with friends in attendance I had a huge anxiety attack. Things can only get better from here on in, so the line has been drawn once more. The journey starts again, with the scales showing 19st 1½lbs, a clean slate, an empty book to fill with stickies as I aim to lose at least 6st 1½lbs....bring it on!

1 comment:

  1. A huge well done you for getting yourself to group. You could have just said "eff it, I'll start back up in the new year" but you didn't. Another positive is that you know you can do it!

    The hardest part is done. Onwards & upwards!

    Good luck x