Friday, 11 July 2014

The Musings Of A Night Shift Mind

Hmm, Friday again and I haven’t blogged in ages. I do feel so guilty when my thoughts don’t make it down onto paper, well onto the blog typey page. I keep saying I’ll make more of an effort, and then I’ll fall off the wagon again, forget to blog again, get back on the bus and then have about 4 days worth of food to talk about! It’s so silly, no excuses though, I’ve only myself to blame!

Whirlwind through the last week or so it is then…Friday night I didn’t have to work, Saturday morning saw Hague head up to Barnsley to see the boys and me head out for a night out in Norwich with my work mates for a leaving do, bloody fabulous night it was too! In fact, I astounded myself with how much I actually drank without losing the ability to walk/see/stay alive. Impressive indeed, and it truly was a great night.
Sunday should have been spent nursing a hangover from hell, but I felt just fine, if a tad tired, and so spent most of the day being very lazy sitting in from of the television. Eating crap. Not sure why :o(
This week has seen me working nights once more, and skipping weigh in due to barely seeing Hague over the last few days. It has also seen me sticking on plan for a change!

I seem to have spent a lot of time pondering this week. I’m not sure if it’s down to the fact that I’ve been working nights again, which leaves me with much pondering time, or if it’s the big ol’ birthday I have looming in just over 6 months time. Whatever the reason I seem to be re-evaluating lots of things, my weight loss journey included. Perhaps it’s something we all do at certain points, just stop, take a breather and see where we are, what we’ve achieved and what is important to us. As I’ve got older, those things are definitely more sharply focused than they’ve ever been before. I also have a strange feeling that big changes are coming, that I’m standing on the precipice right now…..just waiting….

I’m just not sure what it is.

I DO know that I want to lose more weight. I’m not happy where I am. I also know that I will never have the figure I used to dream of. The loose skin on my arms, and my well founded suspicions that I might suffer from Lipoedema will put paid to that, but it won’t stop me getting myself to the best I can be. Same with fitness, I’ve been out for a jog this week, and took Margot out for a 6 mile ride after work yesterday. I want to be as fit as I can be as well.

For now, I’ll focus on those two things, I have full control(ish) over those and it’s high time I stopped messing about isn’t it really? Caramel shortcakes will not see me in the sz12 denim shorts I bought as target clothing. Haagen Dazs will not help me fit into the gorgeous, floaty Hell Bunny top I bought to slim into. I need to start looking after myself again, fighting the demons that are threatening my new found freedom, threatening to put the real me back in her dowdy box of fat clothes. I need to cling onto plan with my fingertips for now if I have to, until it becomes second nature again.

My food this week has been lovely though, so here are a few of the highlights to whet your appetite until I can muster up a full blog, complete with meals and a food diary rather than a mishmash of 3am mind blurbs that just wanted to come out and play ;o)






x

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