Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Another Award Bites The Dust!

After the stress of yesterday I perhaps shouldn't have been surprised when my body reverted to its usual way of dealing with it, by sleeping way too late, and I mean LATE. It was 3pm when I woke up, and Hague is under strict instructions to wake me up when he gets up tomorrow! Anyway, just for a change, I digress! I woke up, popped my tablets and figured as it was weigh in day I wouldn't bother with breakfast and so just relaxed with Hague for a little while before heading to group.

I was expecting a big gain, and I wasn't let down. 7½lbs on. I was gutted. I mean, I know I've had a lot of off plan days, but today marks 6 on plan, and that does feel an excessive gain for the amount of off-plan-ness I've had. Still there is nothing at all that can be done about it, nothing at all, and so, for now, it's goodbye to this award too....


So now I'm heavier than I was 10 months ago. What a depressing thought. Still there is only one person to blame, me. Yes, I may gain when I shouldn't and gain a lot when I should, but I could have stuck to plan, and I could well have been closing in on target now despite my hideous plateau back in Spring. It's my fault I'm not, simple as that. I stayed to group, and it was a good one. Both of Claire's "Biggest Loser's", myself and Helena are struggling at the moment, and so we had a good natter after group, trying to pin down the why's....

  1. We look and feel tons better than we did before, we've both lost around the same amount of weight and so it's still marvellous to be "normal", have we lost that determination and drive not to be fat anymore?
  2. Perhaps we were too strict before, we were both 100% on plan girls, 100% of the time, perhaps we've lost the ability to do things in a reasonable way? It's either 100% on or 100% off?
  3. Ice cream is evil
  4. Despite losing the weight, neither of us are happy with how we look, focusing hugely on the saggy, baggy bits we don't like.
  5. We both know that we can do this, and are both determined to get there.
So there we go, some little nuggets that we can take away and digest, I know I most definitely will, as I really have come too far to give up, and I also have 6 on plan days under my belt as a good start to losing the 2lbs I need to next week to re-gain that award. I do have one stumbling block, a party for my Dad's 65th birthday on Sunday, but I will eat a large dinner before hand and maybe sneak some SW friendly snacks with me on the day. For the rest of this week I'll also keep lowish on the syns where possible to limit the damage. Plans are in place, no excuses.

Obviously I was peckish at group, and so ate whilst I was there.



My newly found lower calorie alternative to the Costa Mint and Lime cooler, the Starbucks Lime Refresha, just 4½ syns for a venti, and lovely on a warm day, plus cherries. I was a bit late heading back from group, mainly as I was nattering to Helena for ages and so came home to a perfectly cooked jacket spud that Hague had put in the oven for me, which I dolloped up with a huge salad and some cottage cheese and Cheddar.


Just what I'd fancied! After I'd eaten I decided to get some more activity under my belt and so took Margot to meet Dan after kickboxing, I got there early and so got to see him sparring, he really is good at his sport, and I'm so proud of him for chasing that dream of his :o) We walked home with another fighter, Danny, chatting about the sport before I left them to cycle the long way home, beating Hague home and so cycling a bit more to go find him! It was good to get back onto Margot too, and not have too much trouble from my head.

We got in and I had a dessert whilst Hague had his dinner.


Strawberries, vanilla prunes, yogurt and cinnamon. Delish. I then whinged a bit online whilst popping pills and wondering why I wasn't getting hungry! In the end it was gone midnight by the time I got peckish again, so I rustled up something quick and light, also followed by a quick dessert.



 A mix of meatballs, tomatoes, onions and mushrooms topped with cheese, with a dessert of a HiFi bar and a couple of apricots to round off my day. The HiFi bar did taste rather similar to the Haagen Dazs ice cream that has me under it's spell, so hopefully having those in the house will help to wean me off the synful deliciousness! It certainly can't hurt!

Food Diary (Green)

Free and Superfree
cherries
Aldi salad bag
beetroot
pepper
tomatoes
potato
cottage cheese with onion and chive
strawberries
Activia 0% vanilla yogurt
Quorn meatballs
chopped tomatoes
onion
mushrooms
apricots

Healthy Extras
A - (both) - 40g reduced fat Cheddar
B - 70g Whitworths vanilla prunes (you're allowed 75g, but the bag is 140g so I tend to just have 70!)
B - HiFi bar

Syns
Starbucks Venti Lime Refresha      4½

Few syns saved for Sunday there, and also some food for thought for this week. I'll be honest, walking to group today, I pondered buying some crap food on the way home. I knew I was in for a gain and just felt my mind turning that way. Despite a good group, and some good advice my mind was still wavering that way, but I made it home without caving in and have enjoyed my food tonight anyway. 

I want to be back to that 11½st lost inspiration, I want to get back into the clothes I was wearing then that are now too small. I want to get to target, whatever that may look like with (probable) Lipoedema to contend with. My journey has never been easy, and right now it's seeming harder than ever, but I've managed 6 days now, I can manage 6 more, and more and more and more right? 

So positives from today...
  1. The support from group, and my friends including all the Purple Bus passengers and especially Helena, Donna and Sam at group tonight
  2. I resisted crap, I resisted good.
  3. I got out on Margot again - one of my favourite feelings.
So that's 3 days of positives! I'm quite impressed with that as the days haven't felt overly good, but you can always find the good things if you try hard enough. So here's to day 7 on plan, a full week under my belt and hopefully a nice loss next week.

x

Monday, 28 July 2014

The Day That Should Have Been A Night!

I should have been working nights this week, but as I had to stop at my GP's surgery to pick up my note for my migraine last week before going back in tonight, and was then told I was signed off until the end of the week to ensure that I was totally recovered. Slight spanner in the works there in my plans to return to work :o( Not a great start to the week really.

The week had started about an hour earlier when I got up and wolfed down a quick breakfast before we headed out.


After eating that and getting the news that I wasn't going back to work it was radio time. I'd already planned to go in to do the show after missing last week's, as obviously I'd planned to go to work! After my phone call to my manager, which wasn't pleasant, after all my absence is already too high without another week off, it was on the air we went, and despite the show going pretty well, it was obvious that my GP was correct in her evaluation that I wasn't ready to return to work, as despite taking my tablets as normal, and even wearing glasses for the computer work my headache returned with a vengeance, I really struggled through the show and was desperate to get home by the time we finished.


Hague, being all fabulous as per usual rustled up my dinner for me and so ensued a very quiet evening, as the phone hurt my eyes, the laptop hurt my eyes and pretty much everything hurt my head :o( Dinner was lovely though, even if it was nothing out of the ordinary.


Cheesey pasta with lots of lovely veggies. I'd told Hague to just put lots of green veggies in, and he was almost mean enough to put a green pepper in, but went with yellow instead. After that, it was time to relax and do not a lot, although we did try something we'd spotted in Asda...


...tropical flavour grapes! Not quite sure how that works, but they really were rather tasty. They still tasted like grapes, but with a hint of sweet tropicalness to them. Very nice. They also do a strawberry flavour, and apparently a candy floss flavour too. Not too sure about that one though, might be a bit too sweet, even for me!

The evening has been spent watching more of the Commonwealth Games, and feeling decidedly crappy, both in my head and about letting work down - not the best combination, didn't stop me feeling peckish again though, and as I'd had no syns I decided to splash out on a white bap to surround my syn free Quorn burger.


I also had 4 Laughing Cow blue cheese triangles and some lettuce in there, and followed it up with an old favourite that we haven't had in a while - mostly as our Aldi seems to have misplaced their Benefit bars again.


Alpen lights and some good old whoopsie pineapple at just 40p. With that eaten, my head still hurting and it closing in on midnight, I shall leave it there for today....although somehow I have to think of some positives first O.o

Food Diary (Green)

Free and Superfree
eggs
potatoes
tomatoes
mushrooms
courgette
spinach
pepper
broccoli
asparagus
pasta
grapes
Quorn red onion burger
lettuce
pineapple

Healthy Extras
A - (both) - 60g LowLow cheese spread
B - 4 blue cheese Laughing Cow triangles
B - 2 Alpen Lights

Syns
Tesco Baker's Soft white bap                     12

Not the best of day's then, for obvious reasons, but as I'm trying to keep positive, I shall try and drag 3 out of the day...

1)  Once again I've managed a totally on plan day.
2) My £15 bargain, beautiful, stunning, purple TUK shoes arrived today and they are fabulous and they fit.
3) Tropical grapes are rather yum.

There we go, 3 positives out of a not so great day. I can do it if I try! Tomorrow shall be another hard day, as it's weigh in day, and I know full well I'm facing another large gain after falling off plan for over half of the month. I have no-one to blame but myself though, so it's onwards and upwards - or downwards preferably - time shall tell, as I've now managed 5 days on plan, and I can't remember the last time I did that!

I've also been pondering a challenge the ever wonderful WeightLossBitch is taking on next Spring, a 100km bike ride, at night, around London....clogs are whirring....are me and Margot up to the challenge? Maybe, just maybe....

It's Only A New Blog From The Slimming World Files!

Ah...hello there...remember me? (Again). I've been slightly AWOL from blogging (again), and this has partly been due to tiredness (again) and party due to off planny ness (again). I've also been suffering from a hideous headache from hell which has only just started to disappear after close to 3 chuffing weeks, the finale of which led to me being off work for practically a whole week whilst I fed myself painkillers every 2 hours. On my GP's advice of course, it wasn't quite so bad I wanted to end it all - although it came close at times O.o

Anyhoo, here I am once more, ready to regale you with the oh so exciting tales of a SW girl trying to get herself back on the bus after a rather wayward few months. I really am starting to think that calling target wasn't my cleverest idea, but you can't undo what is done, and so I'll just have to keep plugging away to get rid of the excess weight I've gained since then, which, according to my scales is now perilously close to 2 stone. Yuck. I gain SO easily it's insane, all the more reason to stay on bloody plan eh? I do wish my head would co-operate....

....but I digress slightly, you know the issues I've been having, but guess what? Today (Sunday) marks FOUR days on plan, and it's been a long time since I managed that! So how has today shaped up...let's have a looksie shall we... (I really wish I could make one of those swirly, timey, whimey things they have on TV when going back in time).


(or nick one off t'interwebz....apologies for the rather epilepsy unfriendliness there)

Today started pretty late really, for me anyway. Hague was up and out by 9.30 to go and kick people in the head and so I took the opportunity to sleep some more, setting my alarm for midday (I'm on nights next week), and then again for 12.30 before realising that if I wanted to see Hague's fight in his skills bout today I'd better get my butt up, fed, dressed and out and so out of bed I got, and downstairs I headed to feed the animals and then myself.


A five minute breakfast there of scrambled eggs on toast with tomatoes. Whilst eating I found this wonderful picture on the magical interwebz and immediately shared it with TOK who needed cheering up. Impossible to be sad after seeing this methinks.


:o)

I then got dressed and headed out to see Hague do his kickboxing thang, via Starbucks where I decided to splash out 7 syns on a Chai latte (they're 13 in total, but I've knocked off 6 for a HeA of milk). Mind you, it was fun finding that out as the SW mobile website was having a bit of an off day, hopefully it's sorted now! I arrived at Legends and found Hague watching the littlies fighting, so got myself a seat and made myself comfy. I'd been advised by himself that he'd be fighting at around 2ish, and so didn't bring my tablets. Unfortunately, lots of extra bouts had been added, and so despite keeping my fluids up, and having a nice healthy snack...


My head had still took a turn for the worst by the time Hague got into the ring. I still managed to video him though, and take a few pics, mostly as I knew it was nearly over and I could get home and pop more pills!


That's my man with his trainer, Dave *proud* 

Getting home, also meant getting fed, as by now it'd been hours since he'd eaten and not quite as long, but still long enough since I had and so we got a Quorn roast in the oven and whilst we both had broccoli, he had roasties and I made a potato salad with leftover boiled potatoes from yesterday.


Is it wrong to really, really enjoy your own food? I do adore my potato salad, and it's so easy, I use half extra light mayonnaise and half fat free natural yogurt (2 tbsp of each in that lot), a wee bit of mustard powder, spring onion and seasoning and it really does taste rich and delicious! I was a bit full after that, but after a natter with TOK I decided to get some oats soaking for some magic pancakes whilst we watched some of the Commonwealth Games boxing before headed out to see the fireworks. 

I don't think either of us realised quite how far away the end of Great Yarmouth is when we started out. I thought that leaving at 9 when the fireworks were at 10 was rather early, but after one aborted start when Bayleigh started playing up so we took her home again, we got there at 9.57! I even took us a little picnic!


We found a little grassy patch where we could sit on our own, snuggled up and watched the fireworks whilst having a lovely old chat and some munchies. It was a bit of an off the cuff thing to do, but it was so lovely, even with the 5 mile or so round trip to get there and back!


Excuse the faces, think this was about the 4th attempt to take a selfie!! You'd have thought I'd be an expert by now eh? ;o) By the time our weary little legs reached home we were both peckish again, and so I turned my porridgy yogurt mix into pancakes, whilst Hague made possibly the garlickiest garlic bread in the universe!


Yes, this is in fact diet food! I'd forgotten how lush magic pancakes were! With those eaten, and a bit of relaxing done after our busy day, well, mostly Hague's busy day but I did walk a lot...it was time for bath and bed. I'll be honest, I wasn't going to blog, I was all relaxed in the bath when I just felt really awful about not blogging again, and so here I am, at gone 2am, sitting in bed telling you what I've eaten...oh the glamour hehe!

Food Diary (Sunday) Green Day

Free and Superfree
eggs
tomatoes
cherries
Quorn roast
broccoli
potatoes
spring onions
spinach
fat free natural yogurt
banana
grapes
black forest fruits
0% Activia vanilla yogurt

Healthy Extras
A - 350ml skimmed milk (in latte)
A - 40g reduced fat Cheddar
B - 2 slices wholemeal  bread (400g loaf)
B - Oatso Simple multigrain porridge sachet (fruity muesli flavour)

Syns
Starbucks Chai tea latte                      7
2 tbsp extra light mayonnaise              1
Cheese curls                                      3
tbsp honey                                         2½

Total syns                                          13½

So there we have it, my first blog in bloody ages, but hopefully I'll get one done more regularly now. I'm feeling a bit more secure on plan, my head isn't trying to murder me and even 12 hour shifts shouldn't really stop me from letting you all know how my day has been eh? 

There have been other nice things happening whilst I was all missing...me and Hague rode up to Hembsy (9 miles up the coast) and  back on a glorious day during my week off. My Nan celebrated her 97th birthday and we had a family meal which meant time with my lovely nieces, whose Sport's Day we also managed to attend during my week off. I've had a girlie night in, and have even managed to bath the JadeyPuss, alas, all things that will be missing from my blogging history :o( Must do better Karen!

I will sign off with my 7943098520th attempt at a list of positive things/happy days as I seem to start and stop them rather regularly. I figured that if I signed off my blog with 3 positives a day it might encourage me to do the positives, and also to blog, so here goes with today's, well Sunday's....you know what I mean!

1) I've managed a blog!
2) Jadey is now incredibly soft, fluffy and pretty.
3) Sitting on the grass, smelling the sea air and watching the fireworks with the man I love.

Not too shabby for a starter :o)



Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Up's, Down's and Everything Inbetween!

I've been SO tired today. My body clock is still suffering from trying to return to normality after two weeks of nights and so despite going to bed last night utterly shattered I woke up at just gone 6am and couldn't get back to sleep. I tried, I really did, but in the end gave up in favour of coffee and breakfast.


Big ol' coffee there with breakfast of toasted couscous, black forest fruits, blueberries and yogurt. It was really filling, not a bad thing when I woke up really hungry! I spent the next few hours sitting, feeling rather glum before finally feeling tired again and heading upstairs to bed. I tried to sleep some more, and managed a bit of a doze before Hague came upstairs to wake me up as today it was the turn of the Mail Online to publish my story....I hadn't known about that one! So of course, much as I then wanted to sleep more, it didn't happen, so more coffee, and more food it was, whilst watching Godzilla battle various (bloody noisy) thingums on the telly. Awesome :o)


Obviously nothing too heavy as weigh in was looming - something I'd managed to miss last week, and as once again I'd been slack with the plan to say the least, not something I was overly looking forward to, in fact I was pondering getting myself another book to have a proper new start (without losing all my history). As it was, I only gained 1lb, got off lightly there, and sat in on the new members talk to get my head back in the zone. It was nice to stay at group for the first time in ages, especially as several of my friends there have lost even more weight since I last saw them and the difference really is amazing! I did feel a tad embarrassed to be held up as a SW poster girl though, I'm still over a stone heavier than I was before Christmas after all! 

As I'd only had fruit and cereal bars for lunch, I picked my way through some noms during group...


Thank you Aldi and your super six! I was still hungry when I got home though and so once I'd dropped Hague at kickboxing I sorted myself out a low effort dinner whilst more sitting commenced.


Pasta, LowLow and veggies (butternut squash, sweet potato and spinach). Job done in less than half an hour! It was then pretty much time to get Hague, where I then decided to whinge quite a bit about being tired before being informed that Sharknado was on the telly, at which point I woke up enough to thoroughly enjoy that whilst eating my dessert.


I shall leave it there for now, as the shatteredness is returning as Sharknado draws to its utterly fabulous conclusion, and once this is done I'm heading for bed, with a head back on track, oh and finally a Platinum Body Magic award to my name!

Food Diary

Free and Superfree
toasted couscous
Activia 0% vanilla yogurt
frozen black forest fruits
blueberries
apricots
sharon fruit
cherries
pasta
butternut squash
sweet potato
spinach
banana

Healthy Extras
A - 350ml skimmed milk
A - 60g LowLow
B - 60g LowLow
B - HiFi bar

Syns
2 Benefit bars                        5
Tesco iced dessert caramel    5½

Total syns                             10½

It's definitely been a long day, an odd one too as my moods have been all over the place, mostly due to being tired. It's funny how you can go from one extreme to the other, with the excitement of the article, nervousness about weigh in, guilt about being a rather crap role model and then excitement again about my first SW award of 2014...yes, I've been that rubbish this year!!


Hopefully I'll lose the 1½lbs I need next week to re-gain my 10½ stone award, and then I can start chiselling away on the remaining 14lb's I've managed to put on since I called target back in April....

One rather lovely thing about all these news articles is that we finally have some rather nice pictures of us...looking all slim and stuff! So I shall end this blog on a high with a picture of the pair of us showing off a loss of nearly 18 stone between us :o)






Monday, 14 July 2014

Monday Madness!

After heading to bed early last night with yet another migraine, it was quite pleasant to wake up reasonably early, and feeling quite dandy. A quick check of my phone to see tons of various notifications was enough to remind me that today was the day my article was printed in the Daily Mirror! So exciting! 

Amongst the notifications was one for a missed call from someone from Good Morning Britain, so I might have yet more excitement coming my way...we shall wait and see! After much checking of phones we then scraped together some pennies from various coppers jars to go and buy a couple of copies of the paper before heading back home to get ourselves bathed and fed ready for the day ahead.


After a weekend of much excess I really HAD to be on plan again today didn't I?? In fact I really don't have any excuse for falling off plan if I'm going to be seen in the paper and in magazines as a weight loss success story! After we'd eaten, we headed off into town as we wanted to pick up a few bits and bobs and then head to the radio station as we were doing an extra hour on the show today due to Keith not being able to make his show. We had rather a lovely mosey, along the seafront and popping in and out of shops before we settled for a quick Starbucks after being informed that Costa no longer sell iced Americano's....oddness indeed as it's now summer! 


It meant I could go for the lower syn option of the Cool Lime Refresha though, at just 4½ syns for a large. Lovely stuff. With our drinks drunk we headed to Harbour where we nattered away about my article and other bits and bobs for 3 hours! By that time of course we were both starving and so headed home sharpish to get some dinner down us, and in a strange turn of events we both had exactly the same thing!


There is in fact a Quorn peppered steak hiding under all that cheese. Can't go wrong with steak and chips though eh? Dessert followed quite a bit later as we were both distracted by cheesey Godzilla-ness as we're revisting the old 1950's versions :o)

A simple, but yummy dessert.


Next up for us is Godzilla vs King Kong whilst I peruse la t'interwebs and maybe partake in more snackage as the evening progresses :)


I do have to thank Hague once again for persuading me to try new fruits, as it was apricots for the first time last week - fresh ones that is - which are delicious, and along with a peach, sharon fruit and my benefit bars did for my last meal of the day before bed.

Food Diary

Free and SuperFree
eggs
tomatoes
potatoes
Quorn peppered steak
onions
mushrooms
strawberries
Activia 0% vanilla yogurt
peach
apricots
sharon fruit

Healthy Extras
A - 250ml semi-skimmed milk
A - 3 Asda lighter cheese slices
B - 2 slices wholemeal bread (400g loaf)
B - 2 Benefit bars

Syns
Starbucks Venti Cool Lime Refresha            4½
tbsp ketchup                                                1

Total syns                                                    5½


I'm hoping the excitement of today reminds me just how great it feels to be on plan. I almost felt guilty when I read the article as I seem to have failed so miserably to keep on plan recently. Although I didn't weigh in last week I know the scales will probably be showing another gain this week. I've only got myself to blame though, I've just found it far too easy to fall off plan, and it's taking me further and further from where I want to be.

I guess the very fact that I haven't yet given up shows that I will do this. Previously I'd have stopped going to group by now, and would be well and truly off the wagon. Although I was off plan at the weekend, the rest of the week I was solidly on plan, I just need to stay strong and fight harder when I'm tempted off plan, otherwise I'll never reach target! 

Onwards and downwards as they say, with each new start comes a new chance to make it THIS time that I get 100% back on the wagon, and after all, I will only fail when I stop trying. Here's to a full week on track, and a good loss next Tuesday! 


As always, thank you all so very much for all the support and love you've sent my way today. It's appreciated probably more than you ever know, and it means so much.

Thank you xx


Saturday, 12 July 2014

Standard Bloggage Resumed!

So here we go, two in a day....sort of, as it's past midnight now! After my last blog of night shift ramblings it's now a case of back to normal, well as normal as my life gets!

I got home from work quite early this morning, and settled down in bed hoping to get to sleep straight away so I didn't sleep all day as I knew I wasn't in work tonight...big fail there as I was still awake at 9am, and even when I did drop off it was more dozing than full on sleep and so my big plans to get up at 12.30 were sort of postponed for an hour or three until I felt a bit more awake. I got myself up and as Hague was at work, got myself fed whilst catching up with Celebrity MasterChef.


How wonderfully purple is that for a breakfast? :o) Muesli, a blueberry Danio and blueberries, deliciously purple! Once I was fed I got myself dressed and made the decision to wear heels....not a decision I take lightly as I can barely walk in them - or I never used to be able to walk in them, but walk I did, into town to meet Hague and then back again. Rather a big thing for me there! I'm not saying I'm particularly elegant in them, but hey, it's a start!

We came back home, and then after a swift shoe change, off we went to Asda and Aldi to get our shopping. As Asda had 4 packs of Sharon fruits for 75p, they might just be featuring quite a lot this week ;o) Once we were home, minds turned to dinner, and as Hague is nursing a cold, comfort food was the order of the day.


Seeing as July has decided it's now an Autumnal month, in Yarmouth anyway, the sausage, mash and onion gravy hit the spot perfectly! It wasn't until a while later that I got started on the Sharon fruit, along with a doughnut peach for my dessert.


The evening has passed by with a flurry of FitBit chatter, film watching and mindless internetting, with another meal wedged in whilst watching Insidious 2...


What's a girl to do with a HeB, HeA and syns left? A double decker burger is what to do :) Seeing as we bought 3 more packs of cherry tomatoes to go with the 2 packs we already had, I figured I'd best have some of those too! As it's now past midnight and we're finally watching the new Carrie film (thanks Netflix) I shall leave it there for now, once I have fully updated you with my food diary of course.

Food Diary

Free and Superfree
blueberries
potatoes
onions
stock pot
Quorn low fat sausages
broccoli
doughtnut peach
Sharon fruit
cherry tomatoes
eggs

Healthy Extras
A - 250ml semi-skimmed milk
A - 3 Asda lighter cheese slices
B - 40g Dorset Cereals simply fruity muesli
B - 60g wholemeal roll

Syns
Danio blueberry                         3
5g wholemeal bread                   ½
2 Asda meat free burgers           1
tbsp ketchup                              1
tbsp mustard                              1

Total syns                                  6½

After having so many off plan days, and with the World Cup final on Sunday which might involve a few beers (or it might not, I'm undecided), I'm going low-ish with syns this week, I'm really desperate to get a loss on Tuesday, and so will be doing my absolute best to stay on plan. As always, I'm really unsure as to why I'm wavering so much at the moment, but I AM feeling a lot better than I have in a while, which is progress at least, and my calendar has some more gold stars on it now too - always a very good thing :o)


Friday, 11 July 2014

The Musings Of A Night Shift Mind

Hmm, Friday again and I haven’t blogged in ages. I do feel so guilty when my thoughts don’t make it down onto paper, well onto the blog typey page. I keep saying I’ll make more of an effort, and then I’ll fall off the wagon again, forget to blog again, get back on the bus and then have about 4 days worth of food to talk about! It’s so silly, no excuses though, I’ve only myself to blame!

Whirlwind through the last week or so it is then…Friday night I didn’t have to work, Saturday morning saw Hague head up to Barnsley to see the boys and me head out for a night out in Norwich with my work mates for a leaving do, bloody fabulous night it was too! In fact, I astounded myself with how much I actually drank without losing the ability to walk/see/stay alive. Impressive indeed, and it truly was a great night.
Sunday should have been spent nursing a hangover from hell, but I felt just fine, if a tad tired, and so spent most of the day being very lazy sitting in from of the television. Eating crap. Not sure why :o(
This week has seen me working nights once more, and skipping weigh in due to barely seeing Hague over the last few days. It has also seen me sticking on plan for a change!

I seem to have spent a lot of time pondering this week. I’m not sure if it’s down to the fact that I’ve been working nights again, which leaves me with much pondering time, or if it’s the big ol’ birthday I have looming in just over 6 months time. Whatever the reason I seem to be re-evaluating lots of things, my weight loss journey included. Perhaps it’s something we all do at certain points, just stop, take a breather and see where we are, what we’ve achieved and what is important to us. As I’ve got older, those things are definitely more sharply focused than they’ve ever been before. I also have a strange feeling that big changes are coming, that I’m standing on the precipice right now…..just waiting….

I’m just not sure what it is.

I DO know that I want to lose more weight. I’m not happy where I am. I also know that I will never have the figure I used to dream of. The loose skin on my arms, and my well founded suspicions that I might suffer from Lipoedema will put paid to that, but it won’t stop me getting myself to the best I can be. Same with fitness, I’ve been out for a jog this week, and took Margot out for a 6 mile ride after work yesterday. I want to be as fit as I can be as well.

For now, I’ll focus on those two things, I have full control(ish) over those and it’s high time I stopped messing about isn’t it really? Caramel shortcakes will not see me in the sz12 denim shorts I bought as target clothing. Haagen Dazs will not help me fit into the gorgeous, floaty Hell Bunny top I bought to slim into. I need to start looking after myself again, fighting the demons that are threatening my new found freedom, threatening to put the real me back in her dowdy box of fat clothes. I need to cling onto plan with my fingertips for now if I have to, until it becomes second nature again.

My food this week has been lovely though, so here are a few of the highlights to whet your appetite until I can muster up a full blog, complete with meals and a food diary rather than a mishmash of 3am mind blurbs that just wanted to come out and play ;o)






x

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

Just a 12...

I'm afraid that 12 hour night shifts do not make for much in the way of interesting things....and hence, do not make for interesting blogs, but blog I shall :o)

I woke up at 3, which hurts a lot after a night shift, especially when the weather is lovely so people are out on the street yabbering away, and the wee baby seagulls are chirping constantly, and so I'm waking up a lot. Still, such is life, and so I got myself up and as he's pretty fab, Hague had breakfast waiting for me.


Perfect way to start my day :) I ate, had coffee and then had to get ready for work. Although one out of the norm thing happened when I managed to scald my finger whilst making coffee - hardly a high point though eh?

So off to work I went, in the glorious sunshine, to run a filler for 12 hours....damn they were long hours too! There really was nothing exciting to report, I managed to catch bits of the football on iPlayer, and email TOK and Hague until bed stole them away from me, but then it was just me, staving off the boredom and eating foodage like this....


A lovely pasta salad, with the Tesco three citrus dressing and goats cheese. Really delicious it was!



My strange vegetable soup, which seems to get more spicy by the day....even though it only has herbs in...strange.


A lovely milky cup of chai tea to finish up my shift at 5am. I was SO ready for bed by then lol!

So there you have it, I came in, got upstairs, fell into bed and pretty much got me some sleep! Oh the excitement hehe! At least I only have one 12 hour shift this week!

Food Diary

Free and Superfree
eggs
potatoes
mushrooms
low fat Quorn sausages
pasta
beetroot
spinach
spring onions
tomatoes
pepper
apricots
persimmon
veggie soup
apple
banana

Healthy Extras
A - 300ml orange label (1%) milk
A - 30g goat's cheese
B - 60g wholemeal bread
B - 2 Benefit bars

Syns
25g wholemeal bread                      2½
tbsp ketchup                                   1
2 tbsp Tesco citrus dressing             2
Jacob's baked oddities                    5½

Total syns                                       11

As you may have noticed, that's another 100% on plan day under my belt as well! So another star for my calendar, and hopefully another day closer to another loss for next week to get my 10½ stone award back! I'll be honest, I'm still not feeling totally secure on the bus just yet, my mind is wandering to caramel shortbreads more often than it should, but it's not the frenzied craving it has been, so I'm hoping the longer I stay on track, the more these feelings will fade and being on plan will seem second nature once more, as I've said before, all I can do is keep on trying and trying. That way I'll get there :)




Tuesday, 1 July 2014

The Power Of The Scales

Oh it’s been a busy one today – I pretty much did a day’s work before I headed into Norwich for actual work!

When Hague set off for work just after 1, I had planned to get much more sleep, but despite snuggling up in bed, I couldn’t drop off again and so up I got, and in a very strange turn of events I got all productive! As I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, I got busy sorting out my 3 meals for the day, as I had the radio show, weigh in and then work to get to.

I’d ummed and ahhed about rushing around to make it to weigh in, but due to my hours this week it was the only group I could make and so once I’d eaten breakfast…


…Spoke to the universe (sort of, we did have someone from over the pond listening – hi Rob) on the radio…and then abandoned Hague to get there, I stood, rather nervously on the scales, but was greeted with pretty damn fine result…


5lbs off! I was so chuffed, especially as things went a tad off plan on Saturday, but it was just the one day. The strange thing is, the naughty devil Karen on my shoulder had been whispering evil things about treating myself after I’d weighed in…whispering that it was over a week until I was weighing in again, that I only wanted another 1lb to hit my 6lbs in two week target, that it wouldn’t hurt, that no-one would know…but you know what, seeing that loss on the scales shut her right up, and I have no intention of straying off plan for any of those non-reasons.

With me on cloud nine, it was then time to head home and get my pre-prepared dinner sorted, it just needed re-heating, cheesing up and eating and I then pretty much had to get myself ready for work.


You can't really beat an oven baked risotto for minimal effort, and it's grand re-heated, it was then off to work time. One high point was the decision to wear my new hoodie...


... which put me in a good even better mood, even more so when a colleague said she loved it :o) Work though was a bit slow, quite stoppy starty, and as always on nights, without much email time with Hague and TOK to keep me sane – night owls, feel free to request my email address – so the highlights pretty much were my noms.




Quite standard fare I guess, and as I made a slow cooker full of it, the soup will be featuring quite heavily this week!

Food Diary

Free and Superfree
Toasted couscous
Activia  0% vanilla yogurt
Black forest fruits
Apricot
Risotto rice
Pearl barley
Courgette
Onion
Sweet  potato
Pepper
Mushrooms
Stock pot
Apple
Sharon fruit
Veggie soup (homemade)
Banana

Healthy Extras
A – 300ml 1% milk
A – 75g reduced fat soft cheese
B – 30g Stilton
B – HiFi  Bar

Syns
Coffee from machine (with milk and sugar)            1½

Jacob’s baked oddities                                         5½

For a busy day, with a slow shift at work, it's not actually been too bad - I don't feel dead on my feet, well almost, and am proper proud of myself for not giving in to the little cowbag on my shoulder wanting me to cave in and eat crap. It really did give me a huge boost getting that loss, and now I just hope the losses keep coming, and my willpower stays strong. There are just 9 months left for me to lose the 3st 10lbs I want to get to my target before my 40th birthday, it's gonna be close! 

I shall now bid you all a goodnight, as tomorrow brings the joys of a 12 hour shift and I need to get myself into bed, and asleep before too much longer!