It’s been a busy old week for little old me. I’m back on 8 hour shifts at work, which seem very long, and as such I’ve been tired and seem to have no time at all to do anything other than work, eat and sleep – doesn’t leave much time for blogging, but that has to change as I miss blogging and keeping you all up to date with how I’m doing. Especially when I’m feeling like I am at the moment….
I’ve always pledged to be honest in this blog, and I always have been, and right now I’m struggling. I think it might be a combination of things, the slowing of my weight loss, the switching to Extra Easy and the huge amounts of frustration I’m feeling.
So far, this year I have lost nothing, nothing at all. On December 23rd I weighed 13st 9½lbs. Since then I have been on plan every single day, with the exception of December 24th-28th, December 31st and January 1st. February 7th, 8th and 10th and March 15th and 16th. 11 days off plan. So far this year we’ve had 100 days and what do I have to show for 89 wonderful, perfect on plan days? A gain of ½lb. It’s affecting me. It’s affecting how I feel about myself, how I feel about food, how I feel about Slimming World. I’m doing all the things I merrily advise others against, I’m comparing my journey to other people, I’m focusing on foods that I’ve not been having….the dreaded “can’t have’s”. I’m grumpy, I’m thinking about off plan foods nearly all the time, I’m feeling like I’m in a strait jacket and all for what?
To maintain a weight I don’t want to be.
I’m 5’6” tall and I currently weight 13st 10lbs. I’m obese. There is no getting around it. Yes, I’m slimmer than I was, and yes I’ve lost a lot of weight, but I STILL have a lot of weight to lose. I seem to gain at the drop of a hat, on plan or not, and then have to grind away teeny losses to get rid of those gains. I’d rather be back where I was last Summer with the hideous yoyo-ing I was going through as at least then the overall trend was still down! There is no hiding from the fact that the overall trend is no longer down. I have no progress bar on the Slimming World graph now, as my trend isn’t down. At the rate I’m losing target might as well be 30st away, not 3.
So what do I do? So far I’ve tried Success Express, Extra Easy and 10 syns a day, Extra Easy with 15 syns a day, Green days and those 11 off plan days. I sit in my Slimming World group and listen to people say “I have no idea where that loss came from” and I feel utterly demotivated. I find sticking to Extra Easy really hard, and feel like planning what to have to eat each day has become a chore. The freedom of Green made me feel like I could eat what I want within limits, but Extra Easy means I have to plan, cereal or HiFi, no more frivolous dried fruits, which I really enjoy, limited cheeses, so no Stilton or Brie for me! I was really hoping for another 2lb loss this week, to finally dip me back under that 13st 9½lb mark that would gain my last award back, but no. I can feel my willpower diminishing, my determination weakening, and I don’t know what I can try to get that weight loss boost to put a spring back into my step, for four months now I’ve had no award to push for, just struggling to get back to a milestone I’ve already reached once before, it’s not the same. I just want it to work again, that’s all. Not too much to ask is it? Not really :o( I really am hanging on by my fingertips here, teetering on the edge of a blowout, which I know will just make things worse, unsure as to which way to turn, or what I can do to get the losses I need to keep me going…
Despite all that, despite how I’m feeling, I’m still on plan, and after such a big old whinge, I’ll rattle through the week so as not to bore you to complete and utter tears!
Sunday – Lie in, kickboxing, Parentals, new sofa (secondhand), deciding who shall sit where on new sofa, early night.
Monday – 5.45am alarm, work, have two breakfasts, get banished from the packing floor for having earrings in, work done, drive to Stowmarket to pick up a vintage bureau, home, eat, take out 20 year old tragus piercing, cry a bit, bath, bed!
Tuesday – decide on an extra snooze as sure petrol will last, work, head home, run out of petrol, saved by Hague, quick bath, weigh in – 1lb off, radio meeting, quick food, bed.
Wednesday – work again, many emails to TOK, home, much food, book trains for Maycation to visit TOK, eat more, watch repeats of Great British Bake Off, eat yet more, seafront stroll, see purple minions, manage not to win one, home, eat more. Get myself to bed before I start eating furniture…
So that’s you all up to date with my week so far, including me running out of petrol on Tuesday on the way home from work – luckily I was less than a mile from home so Hague could rescue me, and the new furniture additions to the house. I’m determined that our house shall be lovely. One day. When funds and motivation both come together in harmony, which so far never happens!
Today then, Thursday and the weekend is finally looking a lot closer from here. It makes a huge difference having that extra hour or so in bed compared to last week though, and I’m a lot brighter, although the almost constant coffee might have something to do with that too. Plus, I’ve been working on the computer, which means TOK and Hague have kept me sane whilst I carried on with project paperwork. With many plans made for our Maycation, more sponsorship gotted for my Race for Life run thanks to a work email, plus some lovely words and advice from the ever wonderful WeightLossBitch it's been a rather busy day. I even managed to get to the work shop to stock up on a few bits and bobs. Plus, I ate this little lot whilst I was there...
I really am loving those peanut HiFi bars, I can't wait to try the new salted caramel flavour either! When I was heading home though, just one thing was on my mind. A t-shirt that my friend Vicky had posted on the Purple Bus page...
I'm sure any regular blog readers will realise that I needed this t-shirt. On a level on par with things such as oxygen and water. So as soon as I got in, I had my lovely (huge) lunch cooked by the rather smashing Hague -
I have no idea why Blogger has decided it should be sideways, it was however an omelette with chips, sausages and beans, and was rather yummy, especially with a dessert of a Kinder egg (I'm not allowed to open any more until the open ones are eaten) - and then hot footed it down to New Look to look for the new official Most Awesome T-Shirt In The World.
I looked, I searched, I went and looked in the kid's section. Nothing. I showed several shop assistants the picture, to looks of utter confusion, but to their credit, they kept looking for me and in the end one was found - in a size 6. Now, I know I've lost a lot of weight, but I will never squeeze myself into one of those bad boys, but one has now been reserved for me at another store for me to pick up tomorrow. Yayness! With that done, I headed home, and was reminded on the way about a rather rash promise I had made to TOK. I promised that if she did a Zumba workout, I would go for a run, and she was having none of my pleas about doing a brisk walk into town and back. She's a hard task master that one, and so after a fortifying cuppa I headed out for a run. I had asked whether I should do another 20 minute run, up it to 30 minutes or try for the full 5K - she voted for the 5K, and so out I went...
I may have nearly died, but I did it! Cue very unflattering selfie as proof...
At least I have now proved to myself that I can run 5K, however hard I might find it...speaking of running 5K, have I mentioned I'm running Race for Life this year? ;o) I'm still looking for sponsors, so feel free to click right HERE to be all generous and help me to reach my target!
After my run, I was rather sore, and so headed up for a nice soak, accompanied by this range of snacks...
...and Masterchef on my iPad, all too soon it was time to get out, and head out to get Hague from Kickboxing. Once back indoors (via Tesco to search for bargains) I got myself a quick dinner of homemade veggie soup that had been lingering in the fridge and a Danio for dessert.
This will be swiftly followed by a hot chocolate, and me heading up to bed as it's yet another early start for me in the morning. Roll on the weekend!
Food Diary - (Thursday) - Extra Easy
fat free yogurt
low fat Quorn sausages
homemade veggie soup
A - 350ml skimmed milk
B - HiFi bar
Cheese curls 3
Kinder Egg 5½
Danio blueberry 3
Options hot chocolate 2
Total syns 13½
Ah, up to date once more - and just about time for this very weary girl to get herself up to bed and ponder on the advice she's received today. Of course, any other advice is always gratefully received, especially when I'm feeling all grumpy about my slow losses.
If you want to sponsor me you can find my Just Giving page right HERE Thank you x