Friday, 26 July 2013

F*cked Off!!

I would apologise, lovely blog followers, but seriously? No other phrase can possibly describe my feelings over the last couple of days, I'm so angry, upset, frustrated and disappointed part of me doesn't really know where the hell to start :o(

But start I shall, with Tuesday, when things were still happy and shiny in Karen World.

I didn't have much time before work, and despite managing to throw together a nice filling breakfast, I only got out of the door on time by the skin of my teeth!


The LM sausages tasted a bit weird too - can't quite put my finger on it, but I didn't enjoy them as much as I normally do. Perhaps I've just got too used to the Quorn ones now. Anyway, with that eaten I rushed myself to work, where the food was much of a muchness and my day was pretty much as boring as hell, working in 35+ degrees heat is never conducive to a good mood either, so when I wasn't on a break I was pretty much just chugging down as much water as humanly possible to try and cool down!

Foodwise, the day looked like this....




Once again I got to use my little Tiffin box, mainly as I'm having the Activia yogurts again and those fit into it! The frittata from the weekend certainly lasted well for lunches and so I think I'll make that again, so handy to have stuff in the fridge to grab.

When I got home I was rather peckish and so Hague made me a nice stir fry, with lots of veggies and noodles.



There is definitely a difference in portion size when Hague sorts out my dinners - I still ate it all though :) Dessert was pineapple before two very excited people headed off to bed, to dream about film premieres and maybe meeting Steve Coogan.

Food Diary (Tuesday)

Free Food
eggs
potatoes
LM rosemary and red onion sausages
banana
beetroot salad
frittata
Activia 0% yogurt
peach
grapes
noodles
Asda frozen stir fry veg
mushrooms
spinach
pineapple

Healthy Extras
A - 4 LC blue cheese light
B - 4 Ryvita
B - 2 Alpen Lights

Syns
Crispy Fries                    3½

Total syns                       3½

Alas, we woke after a hideous nights sleep not feeling great, both rather grouchy in fact, I didn't feel well either, but we got up and dressed and first stop was weigh in, where I received the marvellous news that yet again I'd had a gain. This time of 2½lbs. I really am getting SO upset and frustrated at these gains, as you can all plainly see by just clicking back a few days I've been 100% on plan yet again, and so to find myself heavier and heavier by the week is starting to knock my mood. However, at the time, that was cornered off in my brain as we had a World Premiere to attend. 

Except my stomach didn't want me to attend obviously, and so spent the 40 minutes or so that we were in the car feeling worse and worse, to the point that when we reached Norwich I had to admit defeat and tell Hague I just couldn't go :( Yes that's right, the film we've both been dying to see since we heard about it, that I managed to win tickets to see at the premiere, we didn't get to see as I felt so ill. Seriously, FML, just FML at the moment.

I barely made it home, and by the time we got here I was dizzy, shivering and feeling utterly terrible, so rather than having a once in a lifetime experience, I spent my afternoon throwing up. How f*cking wonderful. Of course, as those of you who pay attention will know, being absent from work ill is not something I am at liberty to be at the moment. I think that call that the cherry on the icing of this cake of shite....

Foodwise I managed a banana (BV) and some toast (AV).

I already felt better late in the evening, and so I knew I'd be going back to work today. Only I could contract a stomach bug that pretty much only lasted the duration of the event I would miss with it. Obviously I wasn't in the best of moods when I woke up, and still wasn't feeling fantastic, I had many, many snoozes and so breakfast was something quite light.


Just to add to the niggly annoyances this was a whole tin of chopped tomatoes - it was practically all juice, very shoddy. Bayleigh didn't mind though as she had the juice on her breakfast, so someone was happy anyway.

I got to work, and was thrown straight into some manual work, lifting cases of squash off the line. Not the greatest way to be eased back in, and it certainly didn't help me feel too clever either. When I did start feeling better my mind turned to the gain of the day before. I'd pushed it to the back of my mind at the time, but now my mind wanted to take it out and play....It's something I've blogged about before, and I'm sure you're all sick to death of me whinging about it, but it's now becoming something that is endangering my journey altogether. I looked back and realised that I received my 8½ stone award on June 18th....that's 5 weeks ago, yes, I had a weekend with TOK, and I believe I've had an off plan drinks night in those 5 weeks, but since then I've lost ONE pound. ONE. I am on plan all the time, how is it fair that the weight isn't going? I know there is no "fair" when it comes to things like this, but my mind is now whispering things like "What's the point" in my ear. And seriously, what is the point? I could have had a day every week eating utter junk and still have lost 1lb in 5 weeks. I've had lots of messages today saying how amazing I look and how inspirational I am, all I can see is someone still morbidly obese, still fat, still miles from target, starting to wonder if I will ever, ever get there, I have 64½lbs to go, at the rate of 1lb every 5 weeks it'll take me forever (6 years and 3 months apparently). *sigh* I've had advice like keeping a food diary, going back to basics etc, well I do keep a food diary, still, after over a year, and how can I go back to basics when I still am following the plan like a n00b, weighing and measuring and trying to get my 1/3 superfree with every meal, counting every syn before it passes my lips. I do all of that. Thing is, next week, I'll have a huge loss, I know I will, so what is the point in my doing Success Express or upping my speed foods? My losses seem to have no correlation to what I'm eating - and for those that want to have a dig at SW and how it can have you eating thousands of calories more than you should to lose weight, I came in at 2,000 calories under what I should be eating to lose 1-1½lbs a week, so explain that away :oP

Right, I'll shut up now, I promise (until a fortnight's time when it happens again). I'll get back to food, which is why you're all here after all.

I would say my work food was much of a muchness once more, but today it wasn't. I've hardly had an appetite today, so the food that would have been my snacks were actually my lunch and my spag bol came back home with me.



I was quite disappointed in the new HiFi bars as well, to be expected on a day such as this I guess. They didn't really taste blackcurranty, more like a blackcurrant sweet, not what I expected, and they had a perfumey taste to them too, not sure I'll bother with them again. As I'd managed to bring down both TOK and Hague whilst at work with my whinging emails, no-one in the MitchyHague household was in a great mood when I got home, despite Tesco paying me 15p for the privilege of buying two Danio yogurts due to my vouchers and their offer.

I still wasn't particularly hungry when I got home though, and so just had a salad for dinner, although it does have some synnage as there is 10ml of olive oil and 16 olives lurking within its leaves.


I'm finishing it up with a very strawberry-ish dessert before I head up to bed and try to cheer myself up, although I think only a lottery win would do that the mood I'm in at the moment :(



Food Diary (Thursday)

Free Food
eggs
chopped tomatoes
banana
peach
Activia 0% yogurt
spinach
lettuce
cherry tomatoes
spring onion
cucumber
strawberries

Healthy Extras
A - 45g of Feta x2
B - 2 slices of wholemeal bread (400g loaf)
B - Alpen Lights

Syns
Crispy Fries                     3½
Olives (16)                      2
10ml olive oil                   4
Danio strawberry yog      1

Total syns                        10½

So I shall now sign off from this grumpy b*tch blog, and go to bed wondering if this yoyo-ing will ever end, and trying to remember how far I've come. Not easy right now though, really not easy.


22 comments:

  1. Have you ever even thought that it may be all the water you are consuming at the moment? I know we are sweating a load out but you may just be retaining more? Yes your journey has been and will be a long one but look at what you can now do...all those stairs when you struggled at a few steps before!
    Terry

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    Replies
    1. I'm clinging to the fact that it might be all the water I'm drinking, I'm packing away litres and litres at the mo!
      Just got to keep plugging away eh?

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  2. Replies
    1. Not huge amounts though Claire, so I'm not sure it's that.

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  3. It will be the exercise I bet Karen! When you suddenly start exercising more than usual it shocks your body into retaining water to protect your joints and muscles (at least, I have heard this and it does make sense). This effect is only temporary but it may account for the recent gains.. Just keep doing what you are doing and everything will catch up :-) xx

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    Replies
    1. I'm really not sure, it's not like I've gone from nothing to exercising, I already do a lot at work (8 miles walked yesterday) so in the scheme of things, a bit of Zumba and going on the bike shouldn't make much of a difference really.
      I'll keep plodding on though xx

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  4. Karen, I can only imagine how frustrating it is. Because of the insulin resistance thing I am lucky if I lose a lb in a month, and it is incredibly demoralising. But the alternative is to give up and put it all back on again, not an option is it. Keep going lovely. Christina x

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    Replies
    1. No, it's not an option, I'm not happy where I am, but I'm happier.... Just got to stick with it and hope it gets moving or it'll be target at 45! xxxx

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  5. I feel your pain Karen, I too have only lost 1lb in 5 weeks with my ups and downs, all on plan except 2 days (a wedding and a christening). It doesn't make sense when I was averaging 1.5 to 2 lbs a week prior to mid June? Maybe it's the water retention or maybe the moon or something weird!!! Keep on track...
    BTW you look mid 20's not late 30's xxx

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    Replies
    1. Mid 20's? I like you a lot Ms Anonymous ;) Perhaps it is the heat, I won't fall off track, I can't fall off track. A friend suggested having a week off plan, just eating whatever I fancied, and just the thought of it felt "wrong". So I won't be going off plan, just plodding on and hoping it shifts :) Thank you so much for commenting xx

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  6. I honestly think it could be water retention and the heat. A lot of people at my class are battling with the same issue since it got hot. I have gained to, but that is just because I ate too much shite lol! Hang in there, I am sure it will all sort itself out when the weather cools a bit.

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    Replies
    1. Hehe at least you're honest :) Those are the best gains, when you enjoyed every single ounce, I don't mind those ones :) xxx

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  7. I read your blog often but not everyday so i don't know the whole story with your weight loss. I gather you dont do extra easy plan? Have u tried doing a red week? I dunno? You could be a veggie( as i said dont have the whole story) But maybe cut back on the Health Extras and stick to 5 syns. Just for a week and see how you get on. If i'm trying to have a good week i can't use my HE B choices atall. Good luck and stick at it! Your doing great!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, I'm a veggie :) So EE would be pointless really. I did drop down to one of each HE before when things were yoyoing (nothing to how they are now) and it made no difference so I decided to go back up to the 2 I should have on the Green plan.

      As for syns, I tend to be quite blase with them, having between 0-15 during the entire week as some days I just don't use them and others I find myself having them all up, for me it's part of what makes SW so easy to stick to, and it's not something I'd cut back on lightly, although another gain might just push me there.

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  8. Hi Karen
    I have been reading your blog for a while now and really enjoy it. You always seem so upbeat and cheerful, and so dedicated to the plan, in comparison I feel like a right grumpy cow all of the time! So don't worry about feeling a bit grumpy, it's so frustrating when you know you deserve better for all your efforts! It happens to all of us, and I always feel like rebelling by going out and eating every bad thing that I can get my hands on! But as you say, what would that achieve? At least slimming world food is enjoyable and filling, and we don't have to starve ourselves. You have done so well, obviously the plan agrees with you, so stick at it xx
    Shelley

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    Replies
    1. Are you sure you're reading the right blog? I'm running out of "grumpy" googled pictures to use hehe ;)

      I am dedicated to the plan, which is why it does really affect me when for some reason it stops working. Hopefully the plan will keep on agreeing with me and this is just (another) blip!

      xx

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  9. Hi just wanna say that i love reading your blogs and look forward to them. Dont let this gain get you down, you have done AMAZING!!! Iv maintained my weight the last 3 weeks even though i still wanna lose, but i think its just part if the course. Dont give up, keep at it and you will get that loss! :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you :)

      I'm feeling more positive now, trying to focus on good things rather than the things that are frustrating me.

      xx

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  10. Awww honey sending you huge hugs!! Your doing awesome and should be so proud of yourself that you havent let the whole thing get out of hand. Everyone has glitches and I have every confidence in you that you can be back on track in no time. Always here for you.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, on track is where I always am - just wish I always saw the results!

      Means a lot to know I have so much support xxx

      Delete
  11. I agree with everyone above, its too hot and you could be retaining water. Also if you have just started doing a lot of exercise, your body goes into hold on a minute mode.. we don't normally do this much moving around lol and goes into shock..
    So far I have lost 7 1/2 stone and got to point where i knew i needed to do some exercise, i didn't lose weight for a couple of weeks after i started and i was 100% on plan (checked by consultant) then after a couple of weeks it started to come off again - Hang on in there don't let the poop drag you down and get back on the bus and you will start to lose again soon .
    Plus i think when you lose quite a bit of weight like we have sometimes the body can just say nope, not happening this week and i either stayed the same or lost only half. But you just have to keep going and keep blogging which i bet helps you keep track. Chin up cocker xx :0)

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    1. Love your name BTW lol!

      I am starting to think my body just needs a breather. A lot of bulk has gone from my trunk but my legs and arms are still big, so I'm thinking (hoping) that it's having a rest before staring on the heavy work lol!

      Chin is up a bit more now anyway xxx

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