As part of Image Therapy, your progress is discussed and greeted with applause. Several people mentioned me as an inspiration, but even that couldn't lift me and I had the rite of passage that is crying at group. I'm sure most people who've attended Slimming World have had that moment, when it just becomes too much and today was my day. Everyone was so sweet, trying to console me and I got many hugs. The fact remains though that I weigh the same today as I did 3 weeks ago despite being on plan - Claire suggested that I take an SAS log just in case anything has crept in, whilst acknowledging that she's pretty sure nothing has.
I headed home feeling awful - when in reality, nothing had changed in my physical self in those seconds between handing over my book and getting on the scales, nothing at all. It's insane. I know it's insane. But I'm SO frustrated with giving it my all, doing everything right as I want this so much and yoyo-ing all over the place is starting to grind me down. I sit in group and listen to people say they have no idea how they've lost as they've eaten this and this and that. I don't do that, so why do I gain? Not small gains, big gains, annoying gains, gains that feel like they knock me back weeks. I really have no idea, and right now, neither does anyone else. This doesn't make it any easier to bear.
I got home from group and sorted myself out breakfast, and my food for work.
This is how I deal with a gain, not with a bar of chocolate, or anything else full of syns to drown the sorrow of the scales, but with a nice on plan brunch to get me through the day. Nothing else even crossed my mind. Hague made it home for lunch in time to give me a great big cuddle whilst I burst into tears again. I managed to keep a lid on the tears for most of the time at work, just the odd blip here and there, helped massively by Hague sending me Basset pictures to make me smile and TOK chatting away on email with our own special brand of conversations. Interspersed with breaks and food of course.
Lunch was just a salad topped with cottage cheese with some Ryvita - typical diet food maybe, but I really enjoy it! Plus of course my SAS log came with me, if it can help me, I plan on doing it properly! I really wasn't in a great mood at all at work, and was desperate to come home, I knew I'd feel a bit happier at home with Hague, and so I escaped a few minutes early and was home not long after 10, with dinner more or less waiting for me, an oven baked risotto. Trying to ring in the changes, just in case!
Okay, so this picture does just look like a lot of cheese, but trust me, underneath that is a rather delicious risotto, and as always, it was easy to make too. Quorn chunks, courgette, onion and broccoli mixed with garlic and herbs and put in an oven proof dish along with risotto rice and stock and in the oven until the rice is cooked. Hague then stirred in 100g of reduced fat soft cheese (as there was plenty for two portions) and I had half, topped with my HeA of cheese. Tasty, and easy, and some for tomorrow too. I followed up with a dessert of my favourite yogurt that I'd found in the fridge after forgetting I'd bought it.
fat free cottage cheese
Asda fat free rhubarb and vanilla yogurt
A - 40g reduced fat cheddar
B - 4 Ryvita
B - 2 Benefit bars
2 Quorn sausages 2
milk in tea (1) ½
Activia creamy yogurt 2½
50g reduced fat soft cheese 4
Total syns 9
So, not a good day. I've spoken to so many people, trying to get my head around yet another gain, and have had some amazing messages left for me on Facebook from my group members and on the SlimmingWorldFiles page, yet still I'm upset, once more I've focusing on the gain rather than the losses I've already had. Would this journey be easier if I had no idea what I weighed? If I just went by the clothes I could fit into? Maybe, as the gains are getting me down. I really don't want massive losses, just slow, steady, even losses rather than the insane roller coaster ride I seem to be on at the moment.
I never did like roller coasters.