Tuesday, 7 October 2014

Well, Hello Again!

Once more today I was reminded that it's been about a thousand years since I put fingers to keyboard and got a blog published. Looking back, it has been a shockingly long time, August in fact, since I updated you all.

Not exactly regular there eh? I guess as I've been struggling, I was conscious of blogging over and over about my inability to stay on plan. After all, whilst GroundHog Day might be a good film, I'm not sure it makes for a good blog! 

I've decided though, that blogging is good for my weight loss, it's good for my frame of mind and it can only help me to try and stay on track - so I'm back for now!

Much as I'd love to say that tons of things have been happening in my life since I last updated you all, that would be a lie....my life is the usual humdrum of work, headaches, eating rubbish and doing not a lot I'm afraid, although the eating rubbish is slowly receding, very slowly.

I've been trying an hypnosis app, which I'm not sure is working or not, but certainly can't hurt. I've crashed back into the 16's - stone wise with a gain now sitting at just over 2½ stone. Not good eh?

I have a few events coming up too, the Hen Night of the ever fabulous TOK, swiftly(ish) followed by her wedding, then a visit to Winter Wonderland before we helter skelter into Christmas....however, I want to get to target, and as I'm now over 4 stone away from my original 12st target, I shall have to rethink as reaching it for February for my birthday just isn't going to happen unless I contract dysentery - which I don't really fancy. So...my new target date is 24th June, which as well as being my Sister's birthday is also the opening day of the Glastonbury festival, which we've been lucky enough to get tickets for, and as it's 8 months away, I reckon losing my remaining weight in that time is most  definitely do-able, don't you think?

So that's the new plan. First things first though - I need to get myself back on plan, back in the zone, and I managed that today by purchasing HiFi bars and ScanBran at group to ensure I had no money to spend on the way home on crap! Although to be fair, when I stay at group I always feels revved up and revitalised, ready for a good week. I just wish I could bottle that feeling! 

So today's food has looked a bit like this....

I'll probably have more fruit before bed, but that'll be it. We won't be late either as Hague is getting up at 7.30 for work, and I'm getting up with him :o)

Hopefully my blogs will get more regular now, as I've missed writing them, and missed the support I get from you all when I do write them!

So, the current situation .....

I weigh 16st 4lbs. My total weight loss is 8stone 12½lbs. I have 4st 4lbs to reach my original target of 12st and 37 weeks to do it in, which is 1.6lbs a week.

Do-able. If I avoid ice cream, biscuits, cocktails and crisps! Only I can do this, only I can get myself back into the Slimming World groove, and I will keep on trying and trying until I get there :o)

I'll be back soon! 

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Challenges From Every Angle!

I’d love to be able to pop up with a new blog saying that a new start was upon me, that nary a syn had passed my lips since I last updated you, however, that is not the case. 

I’m still struggling away and despite being on plan on Saturday and Sunday morning, we then got a serious case of the Bank Holiday’s and strayed. Again. It was going to be only one day, and Hague got himself back on straight away on the Monday, but I grazed my way through leftover crap, and then had Starbucks and Costa treats. No excuses, and yesterday was fully on plan, I even managed to resist stopping off on the way home and buying biscuits – my current craving, so I AM making progress! My current aim is to stay 100% on plan until Saturday, when I shall be weighing in. I’m hoping that on Saturday my willpower will be revving up to full power and I won’t feel the need to eat crap, but that’s my current goal. Little steps will still get me where I want to be after all!

So what did the weekend hold for the MitchyHague household? I didn’t have to work on Saturday, which was marvellous and so a lovely lazy day ensued, sort of, with a trip out to get some bits and bobs and a quick geocache hunt on the bikes before watching Alpha Papa and The Deathly Hallows. We also woke up to the news we’d both been expecting, we’d been nominated for the ice bucket challenge….thanks Mr H!

So on Sunday, after Hague went kickboxing and I enjoyed a small Queens of the Stone Age fix thanks to the Reading festival, it was time to douse ourselves in iced water in the name of charity. I know some people are now bored with the craze, but at the end of the day it’s raising money for a lesser known charity that otherwise probably wouldn’t be getting these donations – except for the quite frankly disgusting hijack by Macmillan, but that’s another story…anway, here, for your enjoyment are both my, and Hague’s drenchings!



After a hot bath to warm up, we decided to finally head out to a local donkey sanctuary on the bikes to have a mosey, unfortunately Hague’s fixed bike decided to fall apart a bit when we were just ½ a mile away – which meant we were 6½ miles from home, and so me, being all superhero-ish peddled home like a madwoman to go and get the car to rescue my man :o) I was knackered, but I’ve proved to myself that I could quite happily ride to The Parentals now! Anyway, I digress…I picked up a very grumpy Hague and then the rot set in, he was grumpy, I had cravings and so to Tesco Express it was to buy crap. Insanity. Even more insane is that by doing that we have left ourselves £20 to buy our proper shopping this week, sense really is blinded by cravings at times.

The rest of the day was spent munching  away, with a brief interlude to wander down the seafront as I just wanted to get out as it was a lovely evening…we may have indulged whilst we were out too…

I didn't buy the hat! We also got the news that my youngest Niece, Carys had badly broken her leg, and was being operated on, poor little monkey – so not a great day all round.

Monday started a bit brighter, Hague stayed firmly on plan, I decided to have the leftover crap of Toffypops and chocolate puddings for breakfast. Nice work there Karen…At least the news about Carys was better, with her happily back at home, and seemingly pleased that her return to school will be slightly delayed! The rest of Monday whizzed by with the radio show and me feeling knackered despite me really needed to stay up late to get ready for a night shift. Didn’t happen, I was sound asleep by midnight!

With Tuesday being a 12 hour night shift, not a lot happened except for me working – although I DID stay on plan all day, a relief for me as I mentioned earlier. I just need to stay stronger for longer, and I’m sure with a weigh in looming on Saturday I can do that.

I’m trying to be kind to myself, but also to listen to my body a bit more. Deciding if I’m really hungry, or just bored, or being dictated to by habit – all mindful ways of eating, something which doesn’t happen when you’re struck by a binge. As always, I can just keep going – oh to have this calm frame of mind just stay with me constantly. Right now I feel like I could stay on plan forever, it’s easy, it’s second nature. Strange how our minds work isn’t it? What does my brain think food will achieve? Why do the cravings feel so strong that I am utterly distracted and thrown by them? It’s things like this that people who’ve never had food issues just don’t understand. We currently have the media whore Katie Hopkins putting on weight to prove that you just have to eat less and move more to lose weight…if you don’t have any issue with food that might be true, and that’s only a might, as despite sticking to the SW plan like glue for over 4 months this year I had a net gain of ½lb, so she might be unpleasantly surprised when she tries to reduce her “enormous” 11st frame to her previous weight of 8st. We shall see.

It saddens me that if you suffered from anorexia, no-one would get air-time by saying you just need to bloody well eat more, it’s understood that it’s a serious food and mental health issue, so why are people at the other end of the weight spectrum not given that respect? I’m an intelligent woman (apparently), I’m more than aware of calories, syns, exercise etc etc. I know what a poor diet does to me, both inside and out, and yet on Monday I had chocolate puddings for breakfast. If someone could work out the reasoning, and a solution to that one, I’d be a happy, content and slim person. Until that day, I shall just keep up the constant battle with my demons and just keep swimming.

Friday, 22 August 2014

The Never Ending Battle With Myself

It’s been a hellishly busy week. As of today, I’ve put in 50 hours, with the ever looming prospect of working tomorrow as well hanging over me!

My hold on the SW plan is still by my fingertips, with the exhausting craving vs being good battle being fought at all times. It’s madness isn’t it? As always, I’m trying all sorts of methods to keep myself in check – with one part of my brain insisting that reasons like these are why I need ice cream and/or biscuits stuffed into my gob at regular intervals…

1. I stuck to plan for 4 months after Christmas and lost sod all = so what’s the point?
2. In all likelihood I have lipoedema, my legs will always be enormous, dresses will never look nice on me = so what’s the point?
3. I can still get into (most) of my nice clothes = a little bit of something won’t hurt.
4. But I WANT it….really want it, right now. I NEED to eat (insert random crap foodage item) NOW.

None of these reasons are valid in the slightest. Right now, in this moment, the cravings seem absurd, ridiculous. Eating food like that will make me gain weight, and anyone who reads this blog regularly will know that my body will gain weight at any and every opportunity. When the cravings strike though, they are overwhelming, the desire for whatever food it is is so sharp, immediate and desperate that it feels like nothing at all, in the whole world will work to be rid of it except for giving in and eating whatever it is I’m focused on.
The thing is, giving in, surrendering, feels like the easy option – but it’s not. I need to remember that, and remember it good! In times of clarity, it’s things like this I should listen to…

1. When you eat crap, you feel crap. Every time. This time won’t be different.
2. Eating a tub of Haagen Dazs WILL show on the scales, I gain so easily and find losing so hard, why do I sabotage myself?
3. Being all upset about gaining weight when you are eating crap food is like feeling upset for being in pain when you’ve stabbed yourself.
4. Giving into the craving will not make it go away, not permanently. It will return, again and again and again.
5. I like being able to walk for miles, I like being able to ride Margot for even more miles, if I gain much more weight, I’ll lose those abilities.
6. I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again. So what if it’s not easy, who said it would be easy? Don’t keep on making the same mistakes, learn from them and move the chuff on!

I may be paraphrasing a motivational I’ve seen here, but perhaps I should tattoo this on my eating hand…

“Resisting a craving is hard, gaining weight and losing what you’ve worked towards is hard – choose your hard”

In the last few days I’ve had a couple of truly lovely emails from ladies who have found this blog, and have been inspired to join or rejoin Slimming World by reading my words. Pages of this blog have now been read over 1 million times – that’s a lot of people who are following my journey, who care in some way about me. Once again, things I need to remember when times get hard.

More tools have now been procured to help me, including a motivational diet app, which even has a food panic button which you can hit when you’re struggling and it’ll supply a motivational tip. Can’t hurt right? I will get back to that easy, effortless following of the plan. I just have to keep trying, I’ll only have failed when I stop trying. I will not stop trying.

Thursday, 14 August 2014

B-Eating The Demons

As I said in my last blog, I'm going to be changing things up a wee bit. I'll still be sharing my inane babblings, but perhaps not as often as before, as I don't want to pile pressure on myself whilst I'm still finding my way back onto a steady footing, but today feels like a good day to share as I've attended a local support group, which seems to be sadly underused but could be incredibly helpful to people, like me, who binge or overeat for emotional reasons.

I had spoken to one of the volunteers previously about coming onto our radio show, but had been unable to attend due to my shifts. However, this week, the second Thursday of the month is during my week off and so myself and Margot headed out to see what B-eat are all about.

They aren't therapists or counsellors, but facilitators for peer to peer support, so basically you talk to, and support other attendees, and they do the same for you. I found the meeting very helpful, as sometimes just talking about what you're feeling and why you have a desire to overeat helps by putting it out in the open. It was definitely a friendly and welcoming environment, and just attending meant that myself and Hague also talked about our issues - it highlighted for me the secretive way I go about my binge eating, and has definitely given me some things to think about. I shall be attending again, as any support I can get to help me normalise my relationship with food has to be a good thing. If you want some more information, just click HERE to go to their website.

Aside from that, today has been rather lazy, in stark contrast to yesterday, which started off at 9am when my alarm went off as I had an appointment for another blood test to re-check my thyroid function as the one a few months ago showed a borderline under active thyroid, and so if this one is the same I shall have to start taking medication to sort me out, which in one way would be a relief, as I'd finally have an answer to a lot of my health questions! As I tend to go a bit funny after people stick needles in my arms I thought it best to have breakfast first.

With the unpleasantness out of the way I came home to some snuggles with Hague before I headed out once more, this time for a rather lovely girly lunch with my fabulous friend, Jo.

She literally has the best hair ever! It's funny how people come back into your life, as I knew Jo years and years ago as she used to work with my ex husband, but a twist of fate meant that we crossed paths again and we're making the most of it! Lunch was off plan, but bloody gorgeous.

We spent a good couple of hours putting the world to rights before we had to head back, but it was straight back out for me as after having Simon from The Hub on the radio on Monday, we were going to drop off all three of Hague's bikes with the intention of getting him one that worked, and donating the remaining two for them to recycle! Phew! 

After such activity, I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear that a nap was in order for me, and once I was back up I got started on dinner. Claire had set a challenge for us at group to cook a SW recipe this week and so I'd picked chicken and mushroom noodles from the July magazine, and so I merrily got my Quorn chunks cooking in some stock before gathering together the rest of the ingredients, only to find we had no noodles. Doh. A quick wander to the local shops yielded no noodles and so when I came back indoors to a rather sad Hague smelling all fresh airy he decided that fresh air would do him good and so we walked out to Asda on a noodle mission. As Hague was feeling really down, he wanted some "naughty" foods and so picked up some of his favourites....after my off plan lunch, and my inability to stick on plan recently it would have been the easiest thing in the world for me to slip right off with him, but I didn't. I am SO proud of that, and perhaps it shows that a simple clean slate was what I needed, only time will tell, but it was a huge thing for me. So I came home, and whilst Hague had his white bread doorstep sandwiches, crisps and pastry goods, I finally finished up my much delayed dinner.

As always, a big thumbs up for a SW recipe :o) Dessert was much later and took the form of a couple of Alpen Lights before we headed up to bed far too late!

As I said, today was much slower, mainly as I didn't get out of bed until 1.30 - fatigue is a symptom of an underactive thyroid - only to find that Hague had somehow managed to come off worse in a tussle with his weight bench.

Big ouch there! Didn't put me off food though and I threw together a quick breakfast.

Then it was onto the main business of the day, being a cushion for a pussy cat who had eaten 3 large slices of ham that someone had left out on the side last night.

I'm guessing she felt how we do after a huge dinner! Either side of me attending the B-eat meeting I had my lunch and dinner.

Gnocchi with vegetables and soft cheese for lunch, and sweet chilli egg fried rice with Quorn and veggies for dinner. An interesting couple of days then, and days in which I've enjoyed my food, and been hugely proud of my ability to stay on plan! I do hope I get a nice loss when I weigh in on Tuesday.

Of course, when you rejoin Slimming World, you have to work towards ALL your awards again, and so it's bronze Body Magic for me once more, and just 3 days into my re-start, week one is under my belt.

Exercise is most definitely a part of my life now as the first time around I really struggled to get my bronze award, and would be doing 5 minutes of exercise here and there, big change! 

Tomorrow shall bring another radio show, as I'm in covering someone and my first time flying solo as Hague will be working, but I'm not sure what else - except food shopping, which is not the most exciting thing in the world ever, but has to be done as the cupboards are on the verge of bare! So I shall bid you farewell for now, and I shall update you again soon.


Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Welcome To Slimming World!

As most of you will know for the last few months, well, probably this entire year I've been struggling with losing weight. After Christmas, the weight refused to shift, but a single off plan day would pile the weight on, leading me to call target in April, utterly despondent at my body refusing to shift any more weight. In hindsight, I should have handled target very differently - going to group every week for a start, as I then found myself on a slippery slope of falling off plan at any and every opportunity and then missing groups in the hope that an extra week would shift those well deserved gains.

That never works. When you start to miss group, you get out of the habit, you think it's okay to "just" have this, or "just" have that. So now it's August, I'm a couple of days shy of 6 months away from my 40th birthday and I'm just ½lb away from a gain of 2 stone since December 23rd. I've tried so many things to get myself re-motivated, so far none have worked and I seem to find myself craving the worst kind of synful foods all the time, literally all the bloody time. It's exhausting to be fighting a battle with yourself constantly, and it needs to stop.

Today, I took a rather big step. I've re-joined Slimming World, the weight on my shoulders of that 2 stone gained is gone in a single swipe of a new card. The 10, 10½, 11 and 11½ stone stickers on my book that have been lost are no longer shimmering at me, making me feel a failure and full of guilt for gaining once more. I couldn't fit my Greatest Loser sticker on my old book, and so it's found a home on the new one - a reminder that I CAN do great things when I put my mind to it.

Weight loss is so much more than calories in vs calories out. Eat less, move more. It all sounds so simple doesn't it? It's not like that though, the battle is in your head. The key is in finding the right motivation, the right mindset to succeed. When you're in the zone, it's easy, it's a breeze, it's second nature, and that's how it was for me for 18 glorious months, and that's what I need to find again. Some people may find it odd that I've decided to start afresh, but when your previous achievements become an anchor around your neck weighing you down, it's the right thing to do. To some, stickers and certificates are silly, even childish, but there is a reason that SW hand them out, they motivate, and I feel I need those 7lb milestones right now. 

This new start may also extend slightly to the blog - I may mix it up slightly, make it user-friendly for me. Selfish maybe, but the aim of this blog was always to help me on my weight loss journey, I never anticipated that thousands of people would read it every day :o) 

So here goes.....a new start!

I was going to weigh and go today, slink in, hide my gain and come home. Instead I went to group, spoke to my ever wonderful Consultant Claire and have listened to her advice. I've talked to my friends at group, and right at the end, a new joiner thanked me for my blog, as she'd found this page, seen my achievements and it gave her the push to join. I've come home and rather than indulging in the crap fest I had mentally lined up I've eaten a gorgeous on plan meal...

...I feel like a weight has been lifted and I've spent the evening perusing recipes online, filling out my shiny new food diaries and my Diet Doodle Diary, and absorbing all the support I can find. 

I possibly have Lipoedema, I have a blood test tomorrow to see if my thyroid is still borderline underactive, but they are not reasons to stop, however much they can sometimes seem that way. I have to just do my best and see what happens....starting today.


Friday, 8 August 2014

A Promise Kept

Definitely a better day today, although I'm not sure if it's any more exciting than yesterday! At least I got up early enough for a cooked breakfast, although I was obviously tired as Hague was merrily putting away clothes and sorting out washing whilst I was dead to the world! 

As lunch was leftovers, I did have time for a cooked breakfast, which Hague did for me, he gets top boyfriend points today that's for sure.

Simple but yummy, Quorn sausages, scrambled eggs and tomatoes. I even had time for a coffee before I headed out. I arrived at work to the news that all the lines were out and clean and so rework it was for 4 hours. This meant working in another department, and I didn't bother taking my snackage with me, and so didn't put much away.

That was eaten whilst we were waiting to be told we could go home as well, and I didn't die of starvation, perhaps it's time to look again at my work food, and question once more if I'm eating through hunger or habit eh? We got out at 5.45, and a happy little me headed home to Hague. Not for too long though as he was working, and so I had time for a quick cuppa and a change before dropping him off. I then had time to finally catch the first episode of the new series of The Great British Bake Off. Despite having noms whilst watching...

...(lovely homegrown tomatoes from Glenys, and they really were gorgeous, so tasty) I still finished watching TGBBO wanting lemon drizzle cakes and a black lamb :o) With work done for Hague, it was off to Asda to pick up some essentials before we could head home and we could finally get a decent meal down us, and boy was it a GOOD meal.

Burgers stacked with a roasted onion and a cheese slice, with chilli chips and roasted pepper salad, it was gorgeous, and exactly what I fancied. The chilli should have been my lunch at work, so we decided to incorporate it into dinner, although Hague had his in his burgers. Dessert will be a lovely cup of Chai tea accompanied by a couple of Alpen Lights before I head up to bed, all ready to embark on my week off! Yay!

Food Diary (Green)

Free & Superfree
Quorn red onion burgers
veggie chilli (leftovers from yesterday)

Healthy Extras
A - 3 Aldi light cheese singles
A - 350ml skimmed milk
B - 60g wholemeal bread
B - 2 Alpen Lights

3 Quorn sausages                             3
20g wholemeal bread                       2
tbsp ketchup                                    1
tbsp mustard                                    1

Total syns                                        7

Rather a light food day for me, and as I said, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate my eating patterns, and ponder why I'm eating when I'm eating at work. It's definitely been a good day though, it normally is when I get away from work early, but there have been some added little positives for good measure today too though....

  1. I tweeted Julian Dicks last night to wish him a Happy Birthday, and he replied*
  2. It's Friday, and I had Friday socks on. Always makes me happy to have my socks matching the day.
  3. Today I received a letter from the Bone Marrow Register to inform me I was now registered. Nearly two years ago, I made a list of reasons to lose weight. That list was inspired by the Bucket List of Alice Pyne, and the first reason was to lose enough weight to get on the Bone Marrow Register. At the time, I was refused from the Anthony Nolan register due to my weight, but I'm also too old, so I joined via the NHS blood donors scheme, which allows you to join up to the age of 60, and doesn't take weight into account. So really, I could have signed up anyway, but Alice was the catalyst for my list, for me waiting to join, and so it's an enormous thing for me to get that letter today. I just hope that one day I can help somebody, as she helped me.

I think any day that a reason gets ticked off my reason list is a good day, but to have the #1 reason done really has made it a bit of a red letter day. 

*If you're reading this blog, you really should find out who Julian Dicks is. He's my absolute footballing/sport idol. I love him almost as much as I love Hague, and it's a HUGE thing for him to respond to me tweet...just so you know ;o)

Thursday, 7 August 2014

The Ritz Mystery

Not much to report today I'm afraid. I stayed in bed as long as humanly possible, and so had to sort out a very quick breakfast.

Toasted couscous with blueberries, a plum and a pear, along with some yogurt. Whilst the couscous was soaking I managed to gather together food for work too. Good job really as I pretty much had to get up and dressed as soon as breakfast was eaten.

Work was really hot again, and my line was due out early, and so cleaning was on the agenda. Not my favourite thing! Up until then, I got on with running the line, emailing TOK and Hague and trying to figure out where I can conjure up some money between now and October! I really do need a money tree!

Food wise though, work was a bit of a change up.

I couldn't resist buying the Ritz breaks, and most of them were demolished during an off plan moment, but at 7½ syns and with no crisps in the house, they made it to work with me. Although I can't find ritz crackers on syns online...who on earth makes them?? Lunch was a cheese sandwich, which should have been a cheese toastie, but our work toaster isn't much cop! My last break was quite a big breakthrough for me. I knew I'd had 11 syns so far, and when some mini brownie bites were in the canteen, I checked the syns before eating just the one I had syns enough for. Before, I might have eaten all of the 4 left in the box, but not today. I'm rather proud of myself for that one.

Soon enough it was time to head home, where a delicious man, and a delicious meal were both waiting for me.

A rather stonking veggie chilli there, perched atop some potato wedges and topped with cheese and some yogurt. Dessert was simply fruit, picked at whilst we watch the next in the Godzilla films - Godzilla's Revenge. They're not getting any better O.o

Food Diary (Green)

Free & Superfree
toasted couscous
fat free natural yogurt
Activia 0% yogurt
veggie chilli (tomatoes, mushrooms, onions, peppers, kidney beans, baked beans)

Healthy Extras
A - (both) - 40g reduced fat Cheddar
B - HiFi bar
B - 60g wholemeal bread

5g wholemeal bread                                          ½
Ritz breaks                                                       7½
Cheesy MugShot                                              3
Asda mini brownie bite                                     2½

Total syns                                                          13½

So another on plan day under my belt! I could have easily slipped though, but I didn't. I need to stay strong! Not the most enthralling of blogs I guess, but I shall end with some positives once more....

  1. There's one more day left of the week, my week off is looming large
  2. I resisted throwing 4 brownie bites down my throat
  3. I may still have a cold, but I also have Elmo tissues to blow my nose on :o) 

I shall leave you there, and hopefully my day is a tad more exciting tomorrow, where most of my hopes are lying in finishing work early.....we shall see ;o)