Thursday, 14 August 2014

B-Eating The Demons

As I said in my last blog, I'm going to be changing things up a wee bit. I'll still be sharing my inane babblings, but perhaps not as often as before, as I don't want to pile pressure on myself whilst I'm still finding my way back onto a steady footing, but today feels like a good day to share as I've attended a local support group, which seems to be sadly underused but could be incredibly helpful to people, like me, who binge or overeat for emotional reasons.

I had spoken to one of the volunteers previously about coming onto our radio show, but had been unable to attend due to my shifts. However, this week, the second Thursday of the month is during my week off and so myself and Margot headed out to see what B-eat are all about.


They aren't therapists or counsellors, but facilitators for peer to peer support, so basically you talk to, and support other attendees, and they do the same for you. I found the meeting very helpful, as sometimes just talking about what you're feeling and why you have a desire to overeat helps by putting it out in the open. It was definitely a friendly and welcoming environment, and just attending meant that myself and Hague also talked about our issues - it highlighted for me the secretive way I go about my binge eating, and has definitely given me some things to think about. I shall be attending again, as any support I can get to help me normalise my relationship with food has to be a good thing. If you want some more information, just click HERE to go to their website.

Aside from that, today has been rather lazy, in stark contrast to yesterday, which started off at 9am when my alarm went off as I had an appointment for another blood test to re-check my thyroid function as the one a few months ago showed a borderline under active thyroid, and so if this one is the same I shall have to start taking medication to sort me out, which in one way would be a relief, as I'd finally have an answer to a lot of my health questions! As I tend to go a bit funny after people stick needles in my arms I thought it best to have breakfast first.


With the unpleasantness out of the way I came home to some snuggles with Hague before I headed out once more, this time for a rather lovely girly lunch with my fabulous friend, Jo.


She literally has the best hair ever! It's funny how people come back into your life, as I knew Jo years and years ago as she used to work with my ex husband, but a twist of fate meant that we crossed paths again and we're making the most of it! Lunch was off plan, but bloody gorgeous.



We spent a good couple of hours putting the world to rights before we had to head back, but it was straight back out for me as after having Simon from The Hub on the radio on Monday, we were going to drop off all three of Hague's bikes with the intention of getting him one that worked, and donating the remaining two for them to recycle! Phew! 

After such activity, I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear that a nap was in order for me, and once I was back up I got started on dinner. Claire had set a challenge for us at group to cook a SW recipe this week and so I'd picked chicken and mushroom noodles from the July magazine, and so I merrily got my Quorn chunks cooking in some stock before gathering together the rest of the ingredients, only to find we had no noodles. Doh. A quick wander to the local shops yielded no noodles and so when I came back indoors to a rather sad Hague smelling all fresh airy he decided that fresh air would do him good and so we walked out to Asda on a noodle mission. As Hague was feeling really down, he wanted some "naughty" foods and so picked up some of his favourites....after my off plan lunch, and my inability to stick on plan recently it would have been the easiest thing in the world for me to slip right off with him, but I didn't. I am SO proud of that, and perhaps it shows that a simple clean slate was what I needed, only time will tell, but it was a huge thing for me. So I came home, and whilst Hague had his white bread doorstep sandwiches, crisps and pastry goods, I finally finished up my much delayed dinner.


As always, a big thumbs up for a SW recipe :o) Dessert was much later and took the form of a couple of Alpen Lights before we headed up to bed far too late!

As I said, today was much slower, mainly as I didn't get out of bed until 1.30 - fatigue is a symptom of an underactive thyroid - only to find that Hague had somehow managed to come off worse in a tussle with his weight bench.


Big ouch there! Didn't put me off food though and I threw together a quick breakfast.


Then it was onto the main business of the day, being a cushion for a pussy cat who had eaten 3 large slices of ham that someone had left out on the side last night.


I'm guessing she felt how we do after a huge dinner! Either side of me attending the B-eat meeting I had my lunch and dinner.



Gnocchi with vegetables and soft cheese for lunch, and sweet chilli egg fried rice with Quorn and veggies for dinner. An interesting couple of days then, and days in which I've enjoyed my food, and been hugely proud of my ability to stay on plan! I do hope I get a nice loss when I weigh in on Tuesday.

Of course, when you rejoin Slimming World, you have to work towards ALL your awards again, and so it's bronze Body Magic for me once more, and just 3 days into my re-start, week one is under my belt.


Exercise is most definitely a part of my life now as the first time around I really struggled to get my bronze award, and would be doing 5 minutes of exercise here and there, big change! 

Tomorrow shall bring another radio show, as I'm in covering someone and my first time flying solo as Hague will be working, but I'm not sure what else - except food shopping, which is not the most exciting thing in the world ever, but has to be done as the cupboards are on the verge of bare! So I shall bid you farewell for now, and I shall update you again soon.

x

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Welcome To Slimming World!

As most of you will know for the last few months, well, probably this entire year I've been struggling with losing weight. After Christmas, the weight refused to shift, but a single off plan day would pile the weight on, leading me to call target in April, utterly despondent at my body refusing to shift any more weight. In hindsight, I should have handled target very differently - going to group every week for a start, as I then found myself on a slippery slope of falling off plan at any and every opportunity and then missing groups in the hope that an extra week would shift those well deserved gains.

That never works. When you start to miss group, you get out of the habit, you think it's okay to "just" have this, or "just" have that. So now it's August, I'm a couple of days shy of 6 months away from my 40th birthday and I'm just ½lb away from a gain of 2 stone since December 23rd. I've tried so many things to get myself re-motivated, so far none have worked and I seem to find myself craving the worst kind of synful foods all the time, literally all the bloody time. It's exhausting to be fighting a battle with yourself constantly, and it needs to stop.

Today, I took a rather big step. I've re-joined Slimming World, the weight on my shoulders of that 2 stone gained is gone in a single swipe of a new card. The 10, 10½, 11 and 11½ stone stickers on my book that have been lost are no longer shimmering at me, making me feel a failure and full of guilt for gaining once more. I couldn't fit my Greatest Loser sticker on my old book, and so it's found a home on the new one - a reminder that I CAN do great things when I put my mind to it.


Weight loss is so much more than calories in vs calories out. Eat less, move more. It all sounds so simple doesn't it? It's not like that though, the battle is in your head. The key is in finding the right motivation, the right mindset to succeed. When you're in the zone, it's easy, it's a breeze, it's second nature, and that's how it was for me for 18 glorious months, and that's what I need to find again. Some people may find it odd that I've decided to start afresh, but when your previous achievements become an anchor around your neck weighing you down, it's the right thing to do. To some, stickers and certificates are silly, even childish, but there is a reason that SW hand them out, they motivate, and I feel I need those 7lb milestones right now. 

This new start may also extend slightly to the blog - I may mix it up slightly, make it user-friendly for me. Selfish maybe, but the aim of this blog was always to help me on my weight loss journey, I never anticipated that thousands of people would read it every day :o) 

So here goes.....a new start!


I was going to weigh and go today, slink in, hide my gain and come home. Instead I went to group, spoke to my ever wonderful Consultant Claire and have listened to her advice. I've talked to my friends at group, and right at the end, a new joiner thanked me for my blog, as she'd found this page, seen my achievements and it gave her the push to join. I've come home and rather than indulging in the crap fest I had mentally lined up I've eaten a gorgeous on plan meal...


...I feel like a weight has been lifted and I've spent the evening perusing recipes online, filling out my shiny new food diaries and my Diet Doodle Diary, and absorbing all the support I can find. 

I possibly have Lipoedema, I have a blood test tomorrow to see if my thyroid is still borderline underactive, but they are not reasons to stop, however much they can sometimes seem that way. I have to just do my best and see what happens....starting today.

x


Friday, 8 August 2014

A Promise Kept

Definitely a better day today, although I'm not sure if it's any more exciting than yesterday! At least I got up early enough for a cooked breakfast, although I was obviously tired as Hague was merrily putting away clothes and sorting out washing whilst I was dead to the world! 

As lunch was leftovers, I did have time for a cooked breakfast, which Hague did for me, he gets top boyfriend points today that's for sure.


Simple but yummy, Quorn sausages, scrambled eggs and tomatoes. I even had time for a coffee before I headed out. I arrived at work to the news that all the lines were out and clean and so rework it was for 4 hours. This meant working in another department, and I didn't bother taking my snackage with me, and so didn't put much away.


That was eaten whilst we were waiting to be told we could go home as well, and I didn't die of starvation, perhaps it's time to look again at my work food, and question once more if I'm eating through hunger or habit eh? We got out at 5.45, and a happy little me headed home to Hague. Not for too long though as he was working, and so I had time for a quick cuppa and a change before dropping him off. I then had time to finally catch the first episode of the new series of The Great British Bake Off. Despite having noms whilst watching...


...(lovely homegrown tomatoes from Glenys, and they really were gorgeous, so tasty) I still finished watching TGBBO wanting lemon drizzle cakes and a black lamb :o) With work done for Hague, it was off to Asda to pick up some essentials before we could head home and we could finally get a decent meal down us, and boy was it a GOOD meal.


Burgers stacked with a roasted onion and a cheese slice, with chilli chips and roasted pepper salad, it was gorgeous, and exactly what I fancied. The chilli should have been my lunch at work, so we decided to incorporate it into dinner, although Hague had his in his burgers. Dessert will be a lovely cup of Chai tea accompanied by a couple of Alpen Lights before I head up to bed, all ready to embark on my week off! Yay!

Food Diary (Green)

Free & Superfree
eggs
tomatoes
banana
peppers
salad
Quorn red onion burgers
potatoes
veggie chilli (leftovers from yesterday)

Healthy Extras
A - 3 Aldi light cheese singles
A - 350ml skimmed milk
B - 60g wholemeal bread
B - 2 Alpen Lights

Syns
3 Quorn sausages                             3
20g wholemeal bread                       2
tbsp ketchup                                    1
tbsp mustard                                    1

Total syns                                        7

Rather a light food day for me, and as I said, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate my eating patterns, and ponder why I'm eating when I'm eating at work. It's definitely been a good day though, it normally is when I get away from work early, but there have been some added little positives for good measure today too though....


  1. I tweeted Julian Dicks last night to wish him a Happy Birthday, and he replied*
  2. It's Friday, and I had Friday socks on. Always makes me happy to have my socks matching the day.
  3. Today I received a letter from the Bone Marrow Register to inform me I was now registered. Nearly two years ago, I made a list of reasons to lose weight. That list was inspired by the Bucket List of Alice Pyne, and the first reason was to lose enough weight to get on the Bone Marrow Register. At the time, I was refused from the Anthony Nolan register due to my weight, but I'm also too old, so I joined via the NHS blood donors scheme, which allows you to join up to the age of 60, and doesn't take weight into account. So really, I could have signed up anyway, but Alice was the catalyst for my list, for me waiting to join, and so it's an enormous thing for me to get that letter today. I just hope that one day I can help somebody, as she helped me.


I think any day that a reason gets ticked off my reason list is a good day, but to have the #1 reason done really has made it a bit of a red letter day. 

*If you're reading this blog, you really should find out who Julian Dicks is. He's my absolute footballing/sport idol. I love him almost as much as I love Hague, and it's a HUGE thing for him to respond to me tweet...just so you know ;o)

Thursday, 7 August 2014

The Ritz Mystery

Not much to report today I'm afraid. I stayed in bed as long as humanly possible, and so had to sort out a very quick breakfast.


Toasted couscous with blueberries, a plum and a pear, along with some yogurt. Whilst the couscous was soaking I managed to gather together food for work too. Good job really as I pretty much had to get up and dressed as soon as breakfast was eaten.

Work was really hot again, and my line was due out early, and so cleaning was on the agenda. Not my favourite thing! Up until then, I got on with running the line, emailing TOK and Hague and trying to figure out where I can conjure up some money between now and October! I really do need a money tree!

Food wise though, work was a bit of a change up.




I couldn't resist buying the Ritz breaks, and most of them were demolished during an off plan moment, but at 7½ syns and with no crisps in the house, they made it to work with me. Although I can't find ritz crackers on syns online...who on earth makes them?? Lunch was a cheese sandwich, which should have been a cheese toastie, but our work toaster isn't much cop! My last break was quite a big breakthrough for me. I knew I'd had 11 syns so far, and when some mini brownie bites were in the canteen, I checked the syns before eating just the one I had syns enough for. Before, I might have eaten all of the 4 left in the box, but not today. I'm rather proud of myself for that one.

Soon enough it was time to head home, where a delicious man, and a delicious meal were both waiting for me.



A rather stonking veggie chilli there, perched atop some potato wedges and topped with cheese and some yogurt. Dessert was simply fruit, picked at whilst we watch the next in the Godzilla films - Godzilla's Revenge. They're not getting any better O.o

Food Diary (Green)

Free & Superfree
toasted couscous
fat free natural yogurt
blueberries
plums
pear
banana
apricots
Activia 0% yogurt
veggie chilli (tomatoes, mushrooms, onions, peppers, kidney beans, baked beans)
potatoes
apple

Healthy Extras
A - (both) - 40g reduced fat Cheddar
B - HiFi bar
B - 60g wholemeal bread

Syns
5g wholemeal bread                                          ½
Ritz breaks                                                       7½
Cheesy MugShot                                              3
Asda mini brownie bite                                     2½

Total syns                                                          13½

So another on plan day under my belt! I could have easily slipped though, but I didn't. I need to stay strong! Not the most enthralling of blogs I guess, but I shall end with some positives once more....


  1. There's one more day left of the week, my week off is looming large
  2. I resisted throwing 4 brownie bites down my throat
  3. I may still have a cold, but I also have Elmo tissues to blow my nose on :o) 

I shall leave you there, and hopefully my day is a tad more exciting tomorrow, where most of my hopes are lying in finishing work early.....we shall see ;o)

x


59 On Plan Days

Quite a few of my lovely SW friends are struggling at the moment, our Purple Bus is awash with passengers falling off and climbing back on again, and so one of our passengers suggested a variation on the #100happydays theme....#100onplandays! 

Lots of us have taken it on board, and much as I'd love to pledge that I'll be on board for 100 days straight, there is the small matter of the fabulous TOK getting herself all married during those 100 days - which of course includes not one, but two hen nights. Therefore, I have pledged to be on play for 59 days straight, which takes me up to Hen Night #1 and that pledge started today.

Also starting today was my return to work after my headache from hell and a couple of shift swaps to do radio showage and surprisings of the Fatherly Parental for his birthday.


My lovely Dad, 65 years young yesterday :) After such excitement, it was back to earth with a bump today, as just for a change I didn't sleep too well with a return to work looming, I get so nervous as I know my absence is way too high, and feel terrible for letting people down by not being there, and so I get myself all worked up and stressed out :o( 

I tried my best to ignore it though, and Hague helped by making me breakfast. I'm guessing I should warn you now that chopped tomatoes may be featuring rather heavily over the next few weeks as our local Asda had tins for 10p, so we bought 32 tins. As you do.


Then it was a case of getting myself up and ready for work, with the last few weeks of SW slackness showing all too much in the tightness of my work trousers! Eek! Yet another reason to get my ever expanding arse back on track!

My return to work interview was long, and when I got back down to the factory floor is was HOT, not helped by me shifting around between machines to do break cover, meaning I didn't get my first break until almost 3 hours into my shift. Not great.


I'm really not fond of fizzies (apart from as mixers) but as there were no other cold drinks in the tea room, I had no choice but to go with Pepsi Max :o( It was then back to the heat until I swapped machines again, and then had my lunch. The day was seeming very, very long, so I was relieved to get another break.


Lunch was eclectic, as I hadn't prepped anything, and so a tin of macaroni cheese came to the rescue with tomatoes, peppers and salad mixed in, along with a yogurt. I then had another marathon wait for my final break, on a machine with no water cooler as I got hotter and grumpier and more desperate to get a break, which I finally got an hour before I was due to finish!


I was rather peckish, and so succumbed to the vending machine, splashing out 8½ syns on the crisps. Seriously, for a company claiming to want us to be fit and healthy, you'd have thought they'd have the smaller bags in their vending machines to at least pretend to be healthier *sigh* it is rather a huge bug bear of mine those vending machines...

...anyway, with my last break done, it was a mere 45 minutes until I could leave, during which the machine played up almost constantly. Joy.

Just before 10pm I was free at last, and headed myself home as fast as speed limits and mist would allow, arriving to a rather scrumptious aroma of garlic mushrooms as Hague had dinner ready and waiting.


I know it's an odd dinner, but I really fancied garlic mushrooms, and I also really fancied a jacket potato and so they were combined. Yummy it was too! Dessert was partly thanks to Glenys, who had mentioned her purchase of 75p lolly moulds a week or so ago, and so I picked up some too. Rather than use squash or a fizzy drink in them, I threw in a yogurt....whaddya know, it worked!


My pineapple and coconut lolly, which I feel could be made a touch more awesome with half a shot of rum in ;o) Plus some cherries to munch on whilst we enjoy Godzilla & Son. Yep, I may have missed a few blogs, but we're still ploughing through the Godzilla movies! 

Food Diary (Green)

Free & Superfree
eggs
tomatoes
banana
salad
tomatoes
pepper
Activia 0% yogurt
apricot
mushrooms
potato
fat free cottage cheese
cherries
Shape 0% yogurt

Healthy Extras
A - (both) - 40g reduced fat Cheddar
B - 60g wholemeal bread
B - 2 Alpen Lights

Syns
30g wholemeal bread                       3
Asda SP macaroni cheese tin            3
Walkers crisps 32.5g bag                 8½

Total syns                                        14½

A bit of a weird day food wise I guess, but I've enjoyed what I've had, although I obviously need to plan better for tomorrow, as I can't just take a tin of tomatoes into work! I feel quite confident that I can manage these 59 on plan days though. It might be a bit of a step up from the 8 I have just managed, but being squished by my work trousers today was definitely a bit of a wake up call. I'm not impressed with myself!

I shall not end on a grumpy old negative though, positive is the name of the game, and so I shall return to my 3 positives to end my blog with!


  1. I didn't die of stress returning to work today. Go me!
  2. I have finally printed out my letter for my laundry allowance tax rebate.
  3. I discovered that MegaBus will take me to TOK and bring me back for just £20. I feel many visits to Brizzle coming on!
I'm hoping that in these 59 days, just over 8 weeks, I can manage to lose 1½ stone. A push, but do-able, my real push of a target would be to get my 11½ stone award back. For that I need to lose 23lbs, nigh on 3lbs a week....all I can do is stick to the plan like glue and see what happens eh? 




Friday, 1 August 2014

Double Blog and Clear Head?

For me, this is a pretty small catch up! I didn't blog last night, as I was rather weary and we headed up to bed nice and early...and were both still wide awake at 5am...So not the best of nights had by either of us as we were both up pretty much all night, snatching and dozing at sleep rather than actually having a proper sleep. Ah well...that was last night, and I need to whizz back a bit earlier don't I?

I made Hague get me up "early" and so we were out of bed by 10.30. It's early for us, honest, and of course had to pop a pill immediately to try and calm down the pain in my head, I really am unimpressed at the longevity of this bloody head that's for sure. I've never had one this bad, never, and I've definitely not had one that's lasted this long. Not good. However, I wanted to get out into the fresh air and with Hague with me I knew I'd be okay, so we both had our breakfasts before we headed out.


Strawberries, blueberries and a pear, along with some toasted couscous and yogurt, topped with cinnamon (of course). The weather was nice again, and because Hague was concerned about my concentration on a bike, it was for a walk we headed. To make the walk more rewarding we decided to hunt down some geocaches too. The sun was shining, we found 5 geocaches and as I'd come all prepared I had a bit of a picnic too.



Hague hadn't brought anything, but he was brave enough to try and apple....


He wasn't impressed, and my head was starting to pound and he was starting to get hungry so homewards we headed - failing to find a couple more geocaches, but succeeding in finding a low syn ice cream.


Funny Feet are just 3½ syns, and it was lush, just what I fancied...although this photo is giving me Father Ted flashbacks hehe! Safely home, it was time for more tablets and lunch, well, just a snack for me really.


Quorn red onion burger with a yogurt just to tide me over after my little picnic. With my head suffering it was definitely time to relax. For a while. The local theatre was having a street food / music festival and so we wandered down there. I like to go along and support things like that to keep them going, and although we only stopped for a cuppa - resisting delicious looking pizzas, tacos and waffles on sticks it was nice to pop along. We then came home and tried futilely to find our local shotputter, Sophie McKinna on the TV, red button or internet. I did however manage to make dinner.

It was a potato salad, topped with eggs and cheese. Very nice and summery and not long after that we headed out once more to see the fireworks that are a weekly event in Yarmouth in the summer. We sat on the beach, all snuggled up and enjoyed them before heading home, where I had a snack before taking the ever present tablets and heading up to bed. And you all know how that worked out...



Food Diary (Wednesday) - Green

Free and Superfree
toasted couscous
fat free natural yogurt
blueberries
strawberries
pear
apricots
banana
Quorn red onion burger
eggs
potatoes
lettuce
pepper
beetroot
tomatoes
asparagus
grapes

Healthy Extras
A - 40g reduced fat Cheddar
A - (split) - 20g reduced fat Cheddar & 175ml skimmed milk
B - 2 Alpen Lights
B - 60g wholemeal roll

Syns
Cheese Curls                3
Funny Feet Lolly          3½
½ tbsp ketchup            ½
½ tbsp mustard           ½

Total syns                    7½

I may not have managed to blog, but I did manage to get 3 positives up on my Facebook Page...

1) Beautiful sunshine again in Yarmouth. 
2) We found 5 geocaches today - lots more smiles on our geocache map!


3) I have been totally on plan for 7 days, the first time in over 2 months! 

As I said at the start, last night was shockingly bad sleep wise, and we were both going to give up the ghost of sleeping at 9ish, then again at 12ish (when we had finally got a wee bit of sleep) and despite me trying to get a bit more sleep it just wasn't happening and so downstairs I headed, and guess what? Despite being awake most of the night, I hadn't taken a tablet since about 3am, and by 2pm I still hadn't take a headache tablet...I hadn't needed to. Oh the relief...honestly. I've spent 3 weeks feeling like my head is being stabbed, tourniqueted, squashed, poked and generally trying to kill me and to realise that that was finally, finally easing off was amazing. Just wish I'd have been a wee bit awake lol! It took a while for me to get hungry and even then it was only a light breakfast I managed.


Muesli, yogurt, blueberries and an apricot, which I washed down with the first of my many cups of Chai tea of the day. No coffee, as you may have noticed it's been over a week since I've had any caffeine either, such has been my desperation to get rid of this headache! After breakfast something very strange happened. I felt a strange urge, one that I don't get often, and I'm quite good at ignoring...I wanted to tidy.

I know.

It scared me too, but tidy I did, sorting out the dumping ground of crap that is sometimes a dinner table, tidying up bits of the kitchen, tackling more bits and bobs in the small bedroom including a couple of loads of washing and even dusting. Scary. It scared Hague too and he was quite adamant that I should sit down sooner rather than later! Of course I was hungry by then, and so didn't mind too much.


Hague had had pasta for his lunch, and had overcooked, and so I had some left for a salad. I mixed in a can of mixed bean saladd, lettuce, tomatoes and peppers and then added in a couple of tablespoons of the Tesco healthy living honey and mustard dressing. I then got on with creating a playlist for my Dad's birthday celebration, and nattering about TOK's wedding and Hen do's, whilst finally succumbing to some pain relief. Once Hague had headed off to kickboxing, I headed to Tesco to get the shopping bits we can only get there on Margot and then met him at the gym.

Dinner followed shortly after, along with still trying to update, sync, add songs to the iPad! I'd never plugged it into the computer, so you can imagine the fun that was!



Dinner was something a bit different, and rather lovely too. I created as sort of stroganoffy type thing with Quorn chicken, mushrooms, spring onions and pepper with soft cheese stirred in and then topped with blue cheese, plonked it on a bed of (reduced) watercress, rocket and spinach salad, and had it with chips. Dessert was simply a banana and yogurt. I do have an experiment in the freezer after picking up some 75p lolly moulds though, I shall see how those have worked tomorrow....

Food Diary (Thursday) Green

Free and Superfree
fat free natural yogurt
blueberries
apricot
lettuce
peppers
tomatoes
mixed bean salad
pasta
Quorn chicken
mushrooms
spinach
watercress
rocket
potatoes
banana
Shape 0% pineapple and coconut yogurt

Healthy Extras
A - 350ml skimmed milk
A - 75g reduced fat soft cheese
B - 40g Dorset Cereals simply fruity muesli
B - 30g Stilton

Syns
2 tbsp Tesco Healthy Living honey and mustard dressing       2
25g reduced fat soft cheese                                                2

Total syns                                                                        4

Another low syn day, and that's deliberate. With my Dad's do coming up on Sunday I want to be in the best place possible to still get that 2lb loss next week, so I'm keeping low syn as much as possible, so the drinking on Sunday doesn't cause too much damage.

I'm feeling so much better today it's fantastic. I've been making lovely plans for TOK's hen night, got out on Margot again and my head, the normality in my head is just priceless, it really is! I'd forgotten how light and carefree I could feel, it's literally been that bad!

So....positives for today...let's see...
  1. My head is SO much better! A positive I've been waiting for for chuffing ages!
  2. Riding home earlier I fancied an ice-cream, knowing that I could get one and no-one would ever know. I resisted and so have now managed 8 days on plan.
  3. I managed to break the 1,000,000 barrier on Bejewelled Blitz, I've played that game for years and this is the first time I've ever done it! Go me!


Here's hoping I wake up tomorrow with my head still on the mend, I've just had the two lots of ibuprofen today, and up to yesterday I was having them every 4 hours with co-codamols every 2 hours inbetween just to get to an almost functioning level! I shall leave today's wafflings there as it's once again rather later - something I'm hoping will lead to sleep today, rather than restlessness and frustration. Bring on Day Nine!

x


Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Another Award Bites The Dust!

After the stress of yesterday I perhaps shouldn't have been surprised when my body reverted to its usual way of dealing with it, by sleeping way too late, and I mean LATE. It was 3pm when I woke up, and Hague is under strict instructions to wake me up when he gets up tomorrow! Anyway, just for a change, I digress! I woke up, popped my tablets and figured as it was weigh in day I wouldn't bother with breakfast and so just relaxed with Hague for a little while before heading to group.

I was expecting a big gain, and I wasn't let down. 7½lbs on. I was gutted. I mean, I know I've had a lot of off plan days, but today marks 6 on plan, and that does feel an excessive gain for the amount of off-plan-ness I've had. Still there is nothing at all that can be done about it, nothing at all, and so, for now, it's goodbye to this award too....


So now I'm heavier than I was 10 months ago. What a depressing thought. Still there is only one person to blame, me. Yes, I may gain when I shouldn't and gain a lot when I should, but I could have stuck to plan, and I could well have been closing in on target now despite my hideous plateau back in Spring. It's my fault I'm not, simple as that. I stayed to group, and it was a good one. Both of Claire's "Biggest Loser's", myself and Helena are struggling at the moment, and so we had a good natter after group, trying to pin down the why's....

  1. We look and feel tons better than we did before, we've both lost around the same amount of weight and so it's still marvellous to be "normal", have we lost that determination and drive not to be fat anymore?
  2. Perhaps we were too strict before, we were both 100% on plan girls, 100% of the time, perhaps we've lost the ability to do things in a reasonable way? It's either 100% on or 100% off?
  3. Ice cream is evil
  4. Despite losing the weight, neither of us are happy with how we look, focusing hugely on the saggy, baggy bits we don't like.
  5. We both know that we can do this, and are both determined to get there.
So there we go, some little nuggets that we can take away and digest, I know I most definitely will, as I really have come too far to give up, and I also have 6 on plan days under my belt as a good start to losing the 2lbs I need to next week to re-gain that award. I do have one stumbling block, a party for my Dad's 65th birthday on Sunday, but I will eat a large dinner before hand and maybe sneak some SW friendly snacks with me on the day. For the rest of this week I'll also keep lowish on the syns where possible to limit the damage. Plans are in place, no excuses.

Obviously I was peckish at group, and so ate whilst I was there.



My newly found lower calorie alternative to the Costa Mint and Lime cooler, the Starbucks Lime Refresha, just 4½ syns for a venti, and lovely on a warm day, plus cherries. I was a bit late heading back from group, mainly as I was nattering to Helena for ages and so came home to a perfectly cooked jacket spud that Hague had put in the oven for me, which I dolloped up with a huge salad and some cottage cheese and Cheddar.


Just what I'd fancied! After I'd eaten I decided to get some more activity under my belt and so took Margot to meet Dan after kickboxing, I got there early and so got to see him sparring, he really is good at his sport, and I'm so proud of him for chasing that dream of his :o) We walked home with another fighter, Danny, chatting about the sport before I left them to cycle the long way home, beating Hague home and so cycling a bit more to go find him! It was good to get back onto Margot too, and not have too much trouble from my head.

We got in and I had a dessert whilst Hague had his dinner.


Strawberries, vanilla prunes, yogurt and cinnamon. Delish. I then whinged a bit online whilst popping pills and wondering why I wasn't getting hungry! In the end it was gone midnight by the time I got peckish again, so I rustled up something quick and light, also followed by a quick dessert.



 A mix of meatballs, tomatoes, onions and mushrooms topped with cheese, with a dessert of a HiFi bar and a couple of apricots to round off my day. The HiFi bar did taste rather similar to the Haagen Dazs ice cream that has me under it's spell, so hopefully having those in the house will help to wean me off the synful deliciousness! It certainly can't hurt!

Food Diary (Green)

Free and Superfree
cherries
Aldi salad bag
beetroot
pepper
tomatoes
potato
cottage cheese with onion and chive
strawberries
Activia 0% vanilla yogurt
Quorn meatballs
chopped tomatoes
onion
mushrooms
apricots

Healthy Extras
A - (both) - 40g reduced fat Cheddar
B - 70g Whitworths vanilla prunes (you're allowed 75g, but the bag is 140g so I tend to just have 70!)
B - HiFi bar

Syns
Starbucks Venti Lime Refresha      4½

Few syns saved for Sunday there, and also some food for thought for this week. I'll be honest, walking to group today, I pondered buying some crap food on the way home. I knew I was in for a gain and just felt my mind turning that way. Despite a good group, and some good advice my mind was still wavering that way, but I made it home without caving in and have enjoyed my food tonight anyway. 

I want to be back to that 11½st lost inspiration, I want to get back into the clothes I was wearing then that are now too small. I want to get to target, whatever that may look like with (probable) Lipoedema to contend with. My journey has never been easy, and right now it's seeming harder than ever, but I've managed 6 days now, I can manage 6 more, and more and more and more right? 

So positives from today...
  1. The support from group, and my friends including all the Purple Bus passengers and especially Helena, Donna and Sam at group tonight
  2. I resisted crap, I resisted good.
  3. I got out on Margot again - one of my favourite feelings.
So that's 3 days of positives! I'm quite impressed with that as the days haven't felt overly good, but you can always find the good things if you try hard enough. So here's to day 7 on plan, a full week under my belt and hopefully a nice loss next week.

x